Monthly Archives: June 2014

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Law of Energy

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Dear Ellie:

If I wouldn’t have had to take extra chemistry classes I secretly think that I would have been a physicist. Next to Psychology, Physics was my favorite class in high school and though I don’t even remotely use anything I learned from that class in my day to day life (and no that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to study for your physics exam) I still remember the things I learned. One of those things is the law of conservation which says that energy cannot be created or destroyed however it can be transferred. This is not only true for kinetic, mechanical, or chemical but also for your personal spiritual energy. I believe that we transfer our energy back and forth everyday. When you get older you will notice that when a stranger is nice to you it may put a smile on your face or encourage you to be nice to another stranger; that my baby is a simple exchange of positive energy. You may also notice that being around someone who is always angry, usually for someone unknown reason, will drain you and that my baby is because that pulls on our energy too. I believe that we pull on the people’s energy around us subconsciously to balance our own energy levels. The further you allow yourself to get away from your positive energy the harder you will have to work to get it back. With that being said it is imperative that you surround yourself with people who can pour positivity into you. You also have to pour back the amount of positive energy into people that they pour into you. I would say pour into people what they pour into you but pouring negativity into people who try to drown you in their toxic energy will not do you any good. There will be people, whether family, friend or foe, who will not deserve your energy and that’s ok…you do not have to be everything to every body. Please do not wait until years down the line to realize you are constantly spreading yourself thin for people who wouldn’t do the same for you. But I also don’t want you think that you have to play tit for tat all energy is not exchanged the same way. For instance, between you and Daddy I have every single ounce of good vibes I need to get me through my day by 7am simply by being in your presence so don’t ever worry about buying me expensive gifts to match the money I’ve spent on you or anything like that because being around you is more than enough. If you know someone is a good force in your life then be that for them in whatever way you’re able. And in that same breath remember that everyone’s energy doesn’t mix so don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t support you or pour into you the way you would hope. I promise you that you have every ounce of positive energy behind you that you need. Even when I’m not physically with you my thoughts and prayers are always with you and so are the thoughts and prayers of a lot of other people’s that love you. Some people will never even express their support for you but you will feel their energy and some people will claim to love and support you yet you never feel anything but negativity from them. Use your energy radar to guide you and appreciate those who give you their positivity because its an asset that we can’t afford to waste in this world.

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P.S. To the girl waiting on someone to love you or show you they care please don’t waste your time. If someone is supposed to be on your side they will be no one is obligated to you. All we can truly do in life is appreciate those who help to restore our good energy when the world steals it away. And even though we should appreciate those people you don’t have to wait for them..take the time to do whatever you need to do to heal and get yourself back to a place of positivity.

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Limitless

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Dear Ellie:

One of the first things I did when I got to Clark Atlanta to start my college career was to find the Honors Program office. I knew two things about the Honors Program 1. it was going to be my first club at Clark Atlanta since I was accepted into it when I applied to college and 2. that it was the office your Yeye called to make sure I had my full tuition scholarship. When I got there I immediately understood it wasn’t a club it was a family and the family’s motto has stuck with me since I learned it…”You are only limited by the limits of your creativity.” The CAU honors program motto combined with one of CAU’s mottos “I’ll find a way or make one.” made me feel pretty much invincible. I think they are both great things to remember especially for a smart, talented, ambitious, young black woman, preparing to take on a new challenge because while those things will naturally equip you with all the things you need to succeed they can also sometimes come with people who will challenge you simply because you are smart, talented, ambitious, young, and black (and frankly my baby that still intimidates a lot of people). So those people will try to stop you all the while never realizing that what is meant for you is for you and no one, no matter how hard they try, can change that. But my baby just because it’s meant for you doesn’t mean it will be handed to you; in fact the things that we consider to be our greatest blessings often take the most time and sacrifice. For instance, you and Daddy are two of the best blessings God could’ve ever given me but it took 9+ months of carrying you (and a whole lot of nausea) to be able to hold you in my arms and before that it took 7 years of God helping Daddy and I to do the back breaking work of building a real foundation that you could grow from. So it takes work my baby, even those blessings that seem to just fall into your lap are fruit of labor somewhere down the line. I want you to remember when you get stuck in that place of wondering if something is truly for you to just stop and just ask I promise you an answer will come if you are receptive to it. There will be times when you realize that you have to walk away from something and you have to be open to that even when its hard, even when you really think you can make it work. Listen to your heart, that little voice inside you, or what ever it is telling you “take the blessing in your lesson and move forward” because there will be other journeys to take. Yes my baby those great adventures that end with the grand prize will surely come your way. There will be trophies, scholarships, jobs, opportunities you name it and it is on those journeys when you will find yourself making a way out of no way with your creativity. Many people who you will learn about as great historical figures weren’t thought of as great at all during their time but its not always about the recognition. When that same voice tells you to keep pushing regardless of the nay sayers you do just that my baby. When a door gets slammed in your face, pause, collect yourself, and use your head to figure out how to either get into the window or bust through the door…whatever it takes. I promise you that you have every single tool you need just sitting and waiting in you head. In fact I watch you now working with things and figuring them out even if you have to get creative and it makes me think what is it along the way that makes us stop trying and stop pushing toward our goals. I realize now that its fear. We can quickly grow tired and fearful of the sting of rejection but you truly never know how close you are to your mountain top when the clouds are all around you and even though its scary its at those times you must buckle down and take it step by step. Whatever it is that has been placed on your heart to do my baby DO IT…the world is waiting!

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P.S. To that little girl on the verge of giving up…wait. Before you give up on something be sure you are walking away with a clean heart not because you have lost faith in your ability to carry on. If you truly reflect and ask for guidance then you will realize, sooner than you think, the direction you need to go. There will be times that you will travel down a path confused by traditional directions, only to find that when you turn the GPS off and trust your instincts you find your destination.

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You woke up like this…

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Dear Ellie:

You were born into a world where people feel more connected to celebrities than ever before. My baby please always remember no matter how social media evolves you have to live in your reality. It can be truly disturbing to see people writing hurtful comments and threats to people they don’t even remotely know. Someone sharing their talent with the world will never qualify as a reason for you to freely degrade them. In fact you shouldn’t be degrading anyone that is not who you were born to be my baby. Your public self whether it’s to a few 100 “friends” on Facebook or presenting to a board room should never be in such stark contrast to your private self that if introduced they wouldn’t even recognize the other. I say this to you today after seeing several mean hearted comments about a little girl just a year older than you. The comments have called her everything from nappy headed to ugly. No two year old should be spoken to that way even if only in a comment section on an article. It’s my job as your Mommy to protect you until you can protect yourself and I can’t imagine how it would feel to be unable to protect you from the hurtful words of millions. We are privileged in that I allow your hair to grow natural out of your head with no manipulation, besides maybe a bow if you let me, and no one comments on it (at least to my knowledge). And that my baby is my choice as your mother because I want you to love your self just as you wake up in the morning. If you can not love yourself free of any additives then how can you say you truly do? We are created beautifully whether crinkly curls or pointy noses and if the world ever tries to tell you that the way you wake up isn’t good enough kindly tell them their opinion isn’t valid because you know better. You aren’t responsible for conforming to what others expect you to look like. I promise to do my absolute best to help you learn to let your love for yourself speak so much louder than the unwarranted criticisms of others that they don’t phase you. Love yourself my baby and walk in confidence that you woke up like this…flawless, not because you’re perfect but because the features you were born with, from your kinky coils to your chubby toes, should never be considered flaws.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl staring at herself in the mirror full of doubts…trust me you are beautiful. You don’t have to look like anyone else’s opinion of beauty; you were born with your own set of standards established in your mother’s womb. Love the beauty you were born with before you starting trying to change it.

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A Love Like This

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Dear Ellie:

I had a thought in mind as I went to write this letter to you and then I heard of the passing of another legend, Ruby Dee. As I tell you all the time, and will continue to, its one of my most important missions in life to ensure that you know and respect the stories of those that came before you so I don’t doubt that by the time you read this on your own you will know who the fabulously talented Ruby Dee was. So today I’m not writing to you about just her exactly but more so the love she had with her husband who passed before her Ossie Davis. Not only did they act in countless movies, plays, etc together they also strived together to fight for things they believed in. I remember seeing pictures of them or watching old movies with my Granny and thinking “man that’s love”. They just exuded love; you could see it in every picture, mannerisms, and look. And I’m sure that there were days when they couldn’t stand each other (cause that’s how love works) but they were the definition of a unit. They remind me of another power couple. They weren’t famous or anything but their love was powerful enough. I’m speaking of my Granny and Grandaddy Paul. My Mommy’s Daddy passed before I was born so I never had the chance to meet him but I could always feel him around. He was in the way your Granny spoke and even there in the dead of night when she would call out to him in her sleep. I remember once she was asked why she never remarried and she said…”To Who?”. She was so taken aback at the question as though it never crossed her mind. She said…”Who else was there?” And in that moment I remember thinking I want a love like a that. A love so powerful that it could help change laws in a country where human beings were seen as less than because of the color or their skin and at the same time so powerful that you couldn’t even imagine life with someone else. The kind of love that gives you confidence that this is it from every up, down, left, and right you know in your heart of hearts you love someone that you can ride it out until the wheels fall off. Some people may say that that’s just how love used to be that they don’t make love like that anymore. Well my baby I think that God is love and with that being my truth how could I ever believe that the kind of love that will last a lifetime doesn’t exist anymore. And I’m so thankful that I know in my heart you will grow up seeing love because he gave me your Daddy. Yes things and times change but a heart is a heart and love is love. But at the same time I don’t want your life to be all about chasing love of a person, because when it’s right it will find you, but I do hope that you always believe in love my baby. After your first, second, or third heart break I hope you keep believing; and I hope that belief helps you to realize that you don’t have to settle for just any love. And my baby everybody’s love looks different so don’t strive for a relationship like Mommy and Daddy’s or even Ruby Dee and Ossie. There’s a love that God created and intended just for you and no one has to understand it but you. And my hopes for you go beyond love for another person I hope the kind of love I’m telling you about consumes your whole life. I pray you have a career that you love and allows you to serve your purpose, that you have hobbies you love, and that life takes you places you fall in love with. Who says every moment of life can’t be great?! Yes as I’ve told you there will be hard times along your journey but when you know in you’re heart that its just a part of a journey toward something you love it makes it so much more worth it. So my baby love hard even if you can’t explain but you know its right go for it. And if that love leaves you I hope you find it again like Ossie has Ruby again and Herbert got Elizabeth back.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl searching for love…STOP! Love isn’t a scavenger hunt or a game of hide and seek. It will find you when you least expect it. Just keep living and loving yourself, your life, and your purpose (even if you don’t know what it is yet) and eventually you will attract the love God intended for you. The kind of love you won’t have to beg for or feel bad about. Just a regular old day in day out I love you even at your worst type of love.

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Shady Queens

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Dear Ellie:

When you look at the women in your family you will see so many beautiful complexions. From fair and flawless to dark and divine there are queens of all shades around you. I remember when you were just a tiny baby, only a few months old, and me and Daddy watched a program on women who had issues with skin tone and many prayed for their daughters to be of a light skin tone. Me and Daddy both said we prayed for the opposite a pretty brown baby that was our complexion. Now I look at you enjoying the sunshine with your caramel kissed skin, that’s lighter than mommy’s, you have no worries of “getting to dark” or what it means to have someone say “you’re pretty for a brown girl”. But as I sat having a discussion with some of the queens in your family this past weekend I quickly remembered that one day you just might have someone try to interject these thoughts into your mind. Don’t ever forget how beautiful you are my baby not in spite of or because of any one thing like skin tone or hair texture…you simply are what you are which is beautiful. And my baby while you’re remembering your own beauty and walking with your own head high remember that every woman around you should be wearing a crown too. Unfortunately in our world some of the women you meet will have had someone in their life who snatched that crown through harsh words and criticisms but that doesn’t mean it can’t be earned back. Sometimes its as simple as telling the lady in front of you in the grocery store she looks nice…no explanation needed. For all you know you may give her the compliment that reminds her to start looking in the mirror and telling herself the same. There is no objective standard of beauty my baby its all subjective. Everyone has an opinion and a preference and that is fine but what is important is that you can 1. appreciate the beauty you’ve been given and 2. learn to see it in others. Your Uncle is amazing at this he sees beauty and goodness in EVERYONE (Mommy’s still working on it) and I hope you learn that being around him. History has tried and, though I hate to say it, often succeeded at dividing people of color by their color. I can say it no plainer than to blatantly tell you light skin women are no prettier and dark skin women are no smarter than the next its all about your mindset. In fact I think its amazing that you can look at the women who share the same DNA as you and see so many beautiful variations. So there is no need to stand in the shade my baby. Stand right there in the sun like you do now and let the sun work its miracle and bring out the browness of your heritage. No matter what cruel words may come your way, whether directed at you or around you, I hope these words that I write to you and plan to tell you daily ring out the loudest you are beautiful and your beauty doesn’t lessen anyone else’s…there is room for all of us in the sun.

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who gets made fun of for being “light bright” or “to dark” I know it hurts but remind yourself you are someone’s idea of the most beautiful girl in the world. If you don’t think its possible then first you have to convince yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful and let your thoughts become your truth. And to the little girl making fun of the other little girl who doesn’t look like her…be a queen. Queens don’t rule with nastiness…I mean who ever dreamed of being the wicked witch instead of the princess.

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Unplug

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Dear Ellie:

I want to thank you for taking my phone for a swim in Harvey’s water bowl yesterday. Because you did, and because I also left my bag with my laptop and iPad when I picked you up after work, I was with out all of my technology devices. I use those items to take pictures of you and share them with loved ones, check email, text people, scroll through social media when I should be studying, and when I’m finally able to focus write papers and read articles for my dissertation. You were born into a world where technology has become an extension of the human race. It’s apart of almost everything. And don’t get me wrong I love technology but today you reminded me to unplug and tap into the simple things…the realllllly simple things like turning the tv by hand, because I usually use an app on my phone. By the time you grow up there’s really no telling where technology will be but wherever it’s at give yourself time to tune in to real life not social media or apps on a phone but just regular old singing songs cause you can’t turn on pandora real life. My baby you will quickly see that’s it’s the things that don’t change that really matter. Reserve time for your own quiet moments, they will quickly become pieces of gold when life starts to move too fast. And it’s ok to turn off the email, text messages, etc those who really need you will find you and those who don’t…well they will still be there in the morning. I promise you the world will not go up in flames because a work email that comes through Sunday night goes unanswered until office hours. And if life is still simple when you read this that cute boy can wait for a call back too. Everyone doesn’t need immediate and constant access to you. Take time to remember what’s really important. I’m so grateful that thanks to you I always will.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that is the first to sign up for every social media site have fun but don’t forget the power we give technology. Technology owns every piece of information we give it and it can never really be erased. Ask yourself do you reallllllly want technology to own your every emotion, thought, and picture, that you’ll hate of yourself by this time next week anyway,…if the answer is no then keep it for yourself or your friends…everything isn’t for everyone.

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Death Becomes Life

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Dear Ellie:

I hope that your first experience with someone close to you passing away is far far in the distance but the thing about life is that you truly never know. And honestly your first experience or your 5th, it all hurts. I remember the first time someone I knew passed…it was my Great-Great Uncle Richard; I couldn’t have been more than 5 and didn’t really understand the concept but I cried and cried to my Daddy and he gave me red kool aid. Then yesterday as I drove home taking the streets instead of the expressway because there was a bad accident I realized somewhere along that hour and a half drive that I was taking the same route that I would take to see my Granny, one of your namesakes, during the last months of her physical life. I drove that way several times a week for almost a month to see a beautiful angel named Elizabeth begin her journey out of this world, but yesterday I was driving just to get home to see my angel baby Elizabeth. And again I was so grateful for you. Because you’re always in my thoughts you are somehow always guiding me to see the bigger picture and my silver lining. The night my Granny passed I remember the phone call that came during a time of the night when the phone shouldn’t ring and I remember telling your Daddy that I think this will be it I knew if she was headed back to the hospital she wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t think this because I’m pessimistic but because I knew my Granny she was VERY strong willed, just like you, and she told us she wasn’t going back to the hospital and I knew with her strong will she would determine just when she decided to move on. On the the drive to the hospital with your Yeye to hear the inevitable news I said a silent prayer not that she would stay just until I got there or anything like that but just for peace because I think in those type of times that’s the best we can ask for. When there is truly nothing you can do just ask for peace to surround you. I also remember the next day June 3rd so much clearer…I remember finally breaking down and I remember talking to your Daddy, your God Mommy Kris bringing me cheese fries, your Aunt Brandy letting me know she was sorry to hear even though it was your cousin’s birthday. These are the things that stand out to me…the people who truly genuinely care. When the time comes for you to experience a loss let those people be there for you don’t push them away God place them right there for a reason. They may never even really know what it meant to you but that’s not always the point and they won’t do it for the recognition anyway. When someone close to you passes it may feel like a hole being burned into your memory and heart…time will stop for a moment and you’ll never forget it. Just like I remember the tears your Pops shed when my Great Grandma Rose passed, or my heart stopping when I realized the phone call your Daddy got when his Granny (your other namesake) passed, or my roommates gathering around my tiny dorm room at CAU so I could get the news my Aunt Janet had passed (that’s still probably the biggest shock of my life) and so many more times that will forever be there in my memory. Sometimes those memories will sneak up on you and take your joy away momentarily. But in those times my baby remember the other memories, the really really good ones that make you laugh until your side hurts. When the sadness creeps in I hope you smile like your Daddy does thinking about his cousin Shareeka or how your Yeye and your great aunts laugh thinking about my Aunt Denise. Death is the more unfortunate of the two universally guaranteed parts of life but take joy in knowing its a cycle. With death will come life again. You remind your Daddy and I so much of your namesakes at different times and sometimes I get a little jealous because I know you get to laugh and talk with all those angels around you. And those angels will never really leave you. We carry the people we love in our souls and that never changes. The hugs stop and the sound of their voices may fade but they never leave us. So I hope you can find joy in that, and find a way to smile a little quicker when you feel like someone has been taken and until you’re ready just remember to rely on those living angels like mommy’s, daddy’s, uncles, aunties, best friends, a nice stranger, etc that God gave you to help pull through. I promise my baby even after death you will find your way back to life. After all just like my Granny would always say instead of goodbye its Just For Now…

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl facing the idea of death remember that spirits don’t die. They are there in the smile of a baby or the little signs that make sense to only you. Don’t feel guilty in moments of happiness because continuing to live doesn’t dishonor those no longer with us. Be strong and in that strength don’t be afraid to be weak.

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Mirror Mirror

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Dear Ellie:

This past weekend while at the grocery store a nice lady approached us and complemented you on how pretty you were and then told me that you looked just like me. Even though I think you are the perfect mix of Mommy and Daddy we often get that compliment while out and about. I’m not sure if people realize how big that is to me or if they are just making an observation, probably the latter. But my baby I don’t think I’ve ever received a bigger or better compliment than when people say you remind them of me or that you look just like me. Sometimes I even catch myself off guard looking through the thousands of pictures I’ve taken of you and have to agree that it really is like looking in a mirror some days. Can you imagine someone comparing you to your picture of perfection…talk about an ego boost! You are gorgeous my baby with your chubby cheeks, beautiful eyes that melt my heart, that head full of curls, and of course the smile that can brighten my whole week in an instant. I might stan so hard for you because you’re my baby but you truly are undeniably gorgeous. It’s not just your features though love bug it’s the brightness around you that brings out your beauty. And it’s that light that shines over you that I hope you never loose. I also hope that as you grow if people keep telling you that we look alike or that you remind them of me I hope that makes you smile. As I got older family and friends would start to say wow you are starting to look like your mom which is in stark contrast to being my Daddy’s twin from the day I was born. In my heart though I know its not really a change in features but more so that as I grew older I began to take on traits that I learned from my Mommy. The way she carried herself, the way she demanded respect, her confidence, and definitely her sassiness are all traits that before I knew it became my own. So in thinking about this I have decided even more so that if our mothers are our first mirrors in which we see ourselves as women then I promise your mirror will reflect the very best of you. I remember being pregnant with you and being very aware of the things I said and the music I listened to. Now as I have conversations with you that I know you can’t quite understand, yet I believe they reach your spirit, and I write you these open letters that you can’t read yet I have watched my words turn into actions. Thank you my baby for making me better and helping me to remember that there is always a higher plateau to reach. There is nothing wrong with becoming a better person by your own definition despite the backlash you may receive from people who say “you’ve changed”. In that same breath when you grow up it will be you looking back in the mirror not anyone else so live by your own expectations not anyone else’s. If you can focus on that, your own continuous journey, you will also find you have less and less time or energy to judge the journey of those around you. What is for you is for you. There are a million lessons, laughs, experiences, destinations, etc out there waiting that have been designed just for you. Don’t delay your blessings worrying about those whose time on your journey has ended or whose role in your play has changed. That light that I hope you keep comes from being free of unhealthy relationships, focusing on the positive, and loving yourself. When you can look in your mirror and see all the beauty God created in you it is so much easier to see it every where else as well. When I realized my Mommy was my mirror I was so proud and in awe of her. She loves her family with every ounce of her being and to be compared to someone like that is humbling. So I promise to work every single day to make you proud, to provide you with opportunities big and small, and to be an example of the type of woman you don’t have to be but wouldn’t mind being.

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P. S. To the little who is searching for a mirror that reflects the kind of beauty she hopes to see, they are out there. Mirrors are everywhere in your coach, the lady that sits down the row from you at church, your best friend, the list goes on. Search for beauty in your community and before you know it you will see it in yourself too. And if you haven’t found that mirror become one. Everyday new little girls are born into this world and every single one of them could use someone that reflects the greatness they are capable of.