Dear Ellie:

I hate having to tell you no but as a busy little toddler its a word you hear often. So knowing the way I feel dealing with simple matters such as telling you that you can’t go in the garbage can or step off the curb I can only imagine the knots I’ll get in my stomach when you start asking about the tough stuff like why is there so much hate and violence in the world, what’s suicide, or why do little black boys get shot and killed so often. I know I won’t like to see your innocence slip away but I promise not to let that innocence turn into ignorance and allow you to pretend to be blissfully unaware. You are born of African descent being raised in the United States of America and that in itself will shape your world view beyond measure and it will allow you to live with the reality that life is not always perfect many times for reasons outside of your perceived control. Sometimes my baby, life just changes much to fast for our liking. Like for Mike Brown or Trayvon Davis. I was not present and I can’t pretend to know every fact surrounding their last moments but I do know that they were two young black boys in America who were shot and killed. I also know that their stories are not nearly as uncommon as I wish they were. And I know that when I look at my nephews in spite of all their intelligence, kindheartedness, and handsomeness there will likely come a time that they will come face to face with the darker side of being a black man in America and I have to play my role as a part of their village to prepare them to handle it to the best of their ability. This is our reality; one that we can not assume or expect everyone else to understand anymore than we can understand the reality of a man who’s life brought others so much joy yet he decided to end his own. Tragedies will occur in life and while I don’t want you to fear the world for the danger it may bring I also don’t want you to be numb to them. I encourage you to care and to make a difference in your world. Yes racism, classism, and all other kinds of isms continue to exist and are not likely to disappear by the time you read this but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them shine your own light of change. And on the other side of the coin if you see someone suffering don’t just give up on them or dismiss them whether its the young black boys laughing on a porch on the south side of Chicago who statistics would say are doomed to kill each other one day or a person struggling to find a reason to live. Sometimes the laughter stops but that doesn’t have to mean the story ends…encourage someone, be an example of greatness, give someone a smile for all you know they just might need it. Because my baby those same little boys can give a city hope just by playing baseball or a person struggling can find help. Sometimes tragedies happen my baby its a fact of life that we can not change but what we can decide is how we respond. I choose to try to encourage youth because I believe doing my part to change a generation means doing my part to change the world and I work in mental health because I believe people sometimes need the space to heal. For some that will not be good enough but I urge you to remember that there a lot of roles in life not all can be filled by one person so listen to your heart, play your role in you village, and hopefully you’ll help somebody to laugh again too.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. For the little girl who has to grow up and see tragedy after tragedy…you to can create change. During the civil rights movement there were all kinds of roles to be played from those that go the word out to those on the front lines marching. Whatever you are passionate about be the change you want to see and don’t let anyone tell you its not good enough. Everyone is not a militant but that doesn’t mean they can’t be effective. Sometimes its as simple as starting within yourself and asking for help or helping to bring back laughter and happiness to a place where it has long been missing.