Monthly Archives: December 2014

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Family Recipe

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Dear Ellie:

The holiday season typically brings about two things…food and family and if you’re lucky you’ll enjoy both. This year I was glad to see you enjoy all of your grandparents on Christmas Day for a lot of reasons but mostly because that was something I never got to physically do. As I watched you I thought, as I often do, about the person you would grow to be. You’re still so innocent; you enjoy opening presents but don’t expect them or care what’s behind the paper. I know that this stage won’t last forever and I also know there’s no way to predict who or what you might grow up to be. I do know though that I will do my very best to ensure that you appreciate all the great qualities the people in your life possess. I hope your humble like your Daddy, strong willed like your grandmothers, and maintain great work ethic like your grandfathers and that’s only the beginning. In any family there’s good, bad, and the not so attractive but in the end there’s something to be learned from them all whether up close or from a distance. Your family cook book comes with all the ingredients you could ever need to be whatever kind of person you want to be but its up to you which recipe you will choose. And at the end of the day you will add your own page to the cook book with your own little twist on your favorite combinations. You don’t have to be just like any one else, even those worth looking up to. It’s ok to admire someone for their qualities or talents and be independently confident in yours at the same time. I look forward to watching you grow and try out recipes only to learn that in certain kitchens you only need a pinch of perseverance rather than the whole cup that had you working away at something that was meant to be walked away from. Humans are fluid beings; we are blessed with the ability to constantly change and grow through our own choices. So whatever ingredients you choose be proud of the cookbook that you came from; some dishes may be an acquired taste but they are loved by someone nonetheless.

Love Always,

Mommy

P. S.
To the little girl who feels like she can’t get it quite right, or doesn’t understand why she was born into or placed into a certain family…there is little good that comes from worrying about what we can not change. Instead of harping on being dealt a bad card let negativity fuel you into moving in a positive direction. After all, positive or negative, it’s all energy. And never loose faith that everything has a purpose and know sometimes we make our own choices about what that purpose will be.

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Breath Taking

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Dear Ellie:

I must admit when I decided to start writing my letters to you openly I did not take into account the number of times I would be faced with writing to you about issues that quite frankly break my heart (but its my belief that God times everything perfectly). It is a difficult realization to look at you and know that there will come a time that you will be judged on how you look not who you are, and unfortunately my baby this is a fact not an assumption. I promise to be the best example and I can be for you and to encourage you to be better and go farther than me. But I’m not quite sure how to prepare you for the anger or fear that you’ll feel when one of the black men in your life, no matter how great they are, find themselves in a confrontation with those meant to protect us. I will teach you how to call 911, not to hate any group of people, and that if a crime is committed against you to call the police. But again I don’t know how to prepare you for a system that is designed to protect you FROM people who look like you not to protect people who look like you. I remember moving to the suburbs and yours Pops being pulled over a block away from our home and I remember your Daddy calling to tell me he had been pulled over in route from Minneapolis. In both cases neither was in the wrong but excuses were given of why they were pulled over. I can not promise you that if you find yourself up against someone in power that there is much you can do in the moment but get through it with air still in your lungs but I can promise you that I will not raise you to sit passively by after the fact. I find myself feeling obligated daily to live my life in a way that will inspire somebody or help somebody even when I think I just don’t have it in me because people like Eric Garner, whatever his sins and transgressions might have been, pleaded until his literal last breath. I find myself empathizing with the family of Tamir Rice because your Daddy was once a 12 year old boy who had been taught to shoot a BB gun in the country with his grandfather but Tamir didn’t have that luxury of playing with a BB gun. I know a lot of people who say they are scared for the black men in their life but I choose not to be afraid but rather be driven for them because I love your Daddy, my Father, your Uncle, and all 6 of my nephews way too much to just live in fear. The day of the grand jury decision in the case of the killing of Michael Brown was released I had spent my entire day speaking to classrooms that were filled with young black men who could’ve very well been Michael Brown and I don’t take those opportunities lightly (and again God times everything perfectly). So my baby however you decide to fight, because while I can light the fire in you your actions are your choice not mine, just remember there are those who don’t have an option, they can no longer breathe. But as long as you able to, breathe life and positivity into those who hate and discrimination tries to suffocate.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that wonders “what am I supposed to do?”…honestly I can’t tell you. But I can tell you that you can do something. Standing idly by while things you say you are against continue to happen doesn’t mean your opposed to it; it means the role you play allows it to continue. Sometimes we are not in a position to see the bigger picture but that doesn’t mean we are not a part of it. Your life is a tool use it wisely, live in a way that inspires, encourages, creates, or demands change.

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Judge and Jury

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Dear Ellie:

I truly hope you grow up to be able to continuously greet new situations with a fresh take and that you don’t grow cynical after life takes a turn that you’ll find yourself unhappy with, because there will be a lot of turns like that. I will do my best to show you how not to be judgmental of people because you truly never know how many unfortunate turns that person’s life has taken before your paths cross. However, I don’t want you to be naïve either. Being able to judge people and situations is a fine art love bug and one that can take time to master; and quite frankly as a black woman it will be essential. Maya Angelou said once “When people show you who you are believe them; the first time”. It will serve you well to remember that one because sometimes we want to believe the best in people even when faced with overwhelming evidence that a person or situation is not who or what we hoped it would be. And trust me when I say my baby that its ok…no disappointment is in vein if we can find the lesson in it. But you have to take honest inventory of those around us because if they are not contributing to the greater good in your life then why are they still there. It would be wonderful if I could send you out into the world knowing that everyone loved you as much as I did and everyone would care for you like Daddy, but the truth of the matter is that despite the billions of people in the world a miniscule amount of them will truly be good for you. That doesn’t mean though that people can’t have their good moments or that positivity can’t be found in negative situations; you just have to learn how to judge for yourself what your limits should be with certain people and situations. In this world no matter the goodness of your intent you can be turned into a villain or a hero depending on who tells your story. If you were old enough right now to travel to St. Louis County, Missouri you could find yourself in two worlds based upon who you asked to tell you what was going on. Its unfortunate that we will never truly know what happened between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson but I do know that the decision to bring Mr. Wilson to trial or not was not decided by a jury of Mike Brown’s peers and those who wish to can judge him as a “thug” who placed himself in the position to be killed. I also know that Mike Brown will never tell his version of what happened. But you my baby are apart of a generation that will have unlimited access to media and information and it will be your generation that has to use their better judgment when deciding what battles should be fought and who should fight them. Take a honest look at people my baby because not everyone will be here for your betterment and that’s not about being judgmental but rather judging character. It is character that defines a person’s actions when they are left to decide them for themselves, that drives a person’s motives, or that writes post on social media when you don’t have to say what you think aloud to anyone’s face, and its character that shows you who a person really is. So please my baby by all means see the world, be open to new experiences, and don’t judge every book by its cover but when the first chapter is filled with hatred, lies, and other disgusting parts of humanities that I hope you never have to experience (even when I know its inevitable) then at that point its ok to say I see who you are. Be your own judge and jury because this is your life, your rights, your future, etc. and you haven’t been granted the privilege of allowing someone else to protect them.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl reading this. I wish you lived in a society that wouldn’t judge you or place you in a box for your past transgression but this is the world we live in. A world where we have unlimited access to your past and it can be used in anyway seen fit depending on the person. Everyone is not to be trusted and every situation will not have a positive outcome. That doesn’t make you powerless though. Being a good judge of character and understanding the direction you want your life to go in doesn’t make you judgmental or mean that your pessimistic. Walk in your own light and let it be know that anyone or anything that attempts to dim that light won’t be tolerated any longer.