Dear Ellie:

I get the feeling that hair is something we will be discussing a lot over the years. Hair has always been a tool for expression for many women (and men) and its no different today. What I do think is different is that we are now open, due to technology and the world’s new culture of sharing, to criticism from individuals who just a generation ago would have had no influence on our choices for our hair or any part of our lives really. And honestly my baby a lot of those opinions still shouldn’t matter but you will have a ridiculous amount of access to them so I feel obligated to prepare you. Recently a young actress Zendaya Coleman chose to wear faux dreads to a red carpet event, some would even call it “THE” red carpet event but that’s a topic for another day. She received everything from praises to racist commentary about her choice of hairstyle. Those who chose the latter did not seem to care that she is still just a young girl but its not surprising because there will always be people who lack compassion no matter your age, gender, race, etc. I want you to know that it is not your job to fight or even acknowledge every critic that may come your way. Honestly my baby it is simply not worth the energy. However, if you find yourself moved to confront cruelty be sure to do so with the intent to provoke change and/or peace. I will teach you to try your best to do so with a clear mind, a mind who’s primary emotion is not anger. I think often it is not so much what we are trying to say as much as how we choose to project into the world. Zendaya quoted Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in her acceptance of her critic’s apology in saying darkness cannot drive out darkness only light can do that and I share it with you here. Remember that we do not rid ourselves of anger, hurt, and other unwanted emotion by trying to make someone else feel the same any more than giving a cold to someone will make you sneeze less. We must take it upon ourselves to feel and express kindness, forgiveness, and healing in order to be at a place within ourselves that we can best make a difference with our reaction. You have a lifetime ahead of you making choices and I know that in every instance you will not be able to separate yourself from your emotions but I do hope you strive to work toward not allowing them to be your sole source of guidance as their sense of direction is often not very reliable. At the end of the day its not really about hair its about choices; choices to express ourselves through style, choices to like or not like it, choices to make hurtful statements, and then there is always the choice of how you respond.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who just wants to be accepted and doesn’t want to be judged. Its ok to want to fit in but in reality none of us ever fully do because we were all made differently and every choice we make has the potential to turn us more into the individual we were meant to be or pull us further from what our true potential is. We all have choices and the beauty of them is that every second of every day we are granted the chance to make another one and hopefully better ones.