Dear Ellie:

By the time you read this you will be well aware that Mommy likes to celebrate her birthday all October long, in fact Mommy loves to celebrate birthdays in general. I think birthdays are awesome your own little personal holiday where you, and whoever wants to join in, celebrate the fact that despite what you’ve been through or going through you’re still here. Birthdays to me are a reason to celebrate and I hope you grow to love them as much as I do. I want you to remember though, as I’m sure Daddy will teach you, you don’t need a holiday or birthday to celebrate a person or celebrate life in general. You can find the smallest or biggest reasons to celebrate in what ever way you see fit. In fact one of the main reasons I’ve come to love October so much besides my birthday is because growing up my Aunt Janet always made a big deal about celebrating I mean Thanksgiving was a production with her there was never enough room on the table for all the food. But one thing your Great Aunt Janet celebrated all year round, and especially in October, was being a breast cancer survivor two times over because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so over the years it became a reason for me to celebrate too. The reason for celebration doesn’t stop there though my baby October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month and I feel I owe it to my Aunt Brenda to celebrate life since hers was taken. You see love bug sometimes the only reason you need to celebrate life is simply having life. Never forget there is a blessing in just being alive. A young couple, the Haley’s, recently shared the story of their unborn son with the world after they found out he would not live long past birth and today when I read that he was born and died shortly after I was so inspired to thank God for you, your health, and every cry you let out because it didn’t have to be a blessing I received. Be thankful my baby for the times you’re reminded and re-inspired over and over again that life is good if for no other reason but because you still have it.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who never gets what she wants for her birthday or any other holiday remember that presents aren’t really what the celebration is about. Its about using being able to be present as your present cause not every one gets that gift. Celebrate life by remembering it and being grateful for it.

Dear Ellie:

It dawned on me this morning that you and your cousins have become accustomed to greatness. Its all around you and has become the norm for you. Now I don’t say this to say that you have a perfect life or that there is no room for improvement, because there always is. I’m able to say this because I’ve been blessed to work in a field that keeps me grounded and reminds me on a daily basis that nothing is promised, not to take things for granted, and that things could be much different. I’m thankful for every single person that has ever sat in my office and shared their story with me because it reminds me of the power that our story can have. So I’m reminded every day to share my story with you and to tell you the stories of those that came before you because I want you to know my baby that greatness doesn’t just happen. You can’t just expect greatness and poof there it is. Expecting greatness is only one part of the puzzle. Expectations and faith mean nothing with out work. There will be a lot of times in your life especially while you are young that it may seem as though Mommy and Daddy can just make things happen but we work at providing you with love, supplying your needs, and even spoiling you with some of your wants. We learned that from some great examples. Both of your Grandfathers work far to hard and I’m not sure they even know what a shift is without overtime anymore. That hard work though isn’t lost on us because now your Daddy will get up at the crack of dawn or your uncle to work 18 hours out the day on their crafts. They work just as hard as their fathers only in a different way. So I hope that I am able to succeed in showing you that while I have high hopes and great expectations for you because I know you were born to be amazing (after all your name means God’s Promise) I still want you to learn the same work ethic that has carried so many people that came before you. Don’t just be great my baby keep working to be greater.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who feels like everything comes so easy to everyone else…never assume what a person had to do to get where they are. In a time where people become instantly famous and seem to just stumble into money its even more important to remember that what is for you is for you. Focus on your blessings and your gifts and work at that. Your successes can not be measured or lessened by those of someone else so place your energy where it is needed.

Dear Ellie:

While I love writing you letters, reading you stories, telling you about my day, and listening to you discover your own words…words only go so far. In life I believe words inspire but actions show and prove. Don’t get me wrong words have their own strength; they can awaken emotions and cut deep but we can’t forget to give credit to things we do as well. I’m well aware that I can tell you not to do something a million times but if you turn around and watch me do just that thing you’re going to decide to imitate what I do not what I say. The same is true in other parts of life you can tell people all the things they want to hear but at some point if your actions do not align your words will loose value. Words are often misunderstood, misguided, and flat out untrue but actions are much easier to interpret. Actions bring straight lines to the fuzziness and confusion that words can create if not backed up. One of my favorite sayings is “When someone shows you who you are, believe them”. So if you want to be known as a woman of honor, one that is a positive example, one that spreads love and light wherever she goes then you can do that just by being who you are. You don’t have to brag about your qualities and gifts just live in them and people will see you for who you are. And because the world is not perfect my baby there will be some who will try to use words to negate your actions but its like bringing a knife to a gun fight they can only cause real pain if you let them get close enough otherwise to onlookers it looks like a fool fighting a warrior. Keep in mind though there must be a total package you can not speak ill words and live a righteous life any more than you can do the opposite. I am not telling you forget about words but rather to put the same energy in to what you do as you put into what you say you are going to do. Remember always my baby its not what we say to those we love but how we love them, its not how smart we say we are but the knowledge we can demonstrate, its not how weak someone may say we are but how strong we show ourselves we can be. Heroes are who they are not because of what they’ve said but what they’ve done. “To Be” is the simplest kind of verb…all you have to do is be who you were called to be.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To the young girl who’s been called so many names and put down to many times to count, don’t let words destroy you. Act like the person you want to be until you and everyone else has no other choice than to either be known as a liar or speak highly of you. And remember there is a whole world out there watching, a whole world of other little girls who just need to see a hero in action and one of them is looking right back at you in the mirror. You can be whoever it is you want to be and you don’t have to tell anyone about it you just have to act on it.

Dear Ellie:

Now that I’ve settled back into being home I’ve really had time to reflect on my trip. What stood out to me most about the amazing people I met in South Africa was their spirit. I had the opportunity to meet with people who are doing excellent work across the board primarily for children who may not have a home, running water, or access to what most people in this country would call “the simple things”. In spite of those circumstances though, or perhaps because of their circumstances, their smiles are bigger than some of the world’s richest CEO’s. One man that I met who worked in Soweto as a soccer coach, and so much more, asked me how I was doing and when I replied good and asked him the same he replied that he was great and had no complaints then he paused and said, “Wait let me think do I have anything to complain about…no, no I don’t.” This statement stuck with me for some reason because I’m sure that he had something in his life to complain about, after all we all do my baby, but he made the conscious decision not to. Now I’m making the conscious decision to do the same and I hope I will be able to provide an example for you that will inspire you to smile and be grateful no matter your circumstance.

While in South Africa I also had the chance to visit the Hector Pieterson Museum. It was a powerful experience as I walked through and saw the story being told of a group of students from Soweto who refused to be treated as less than, many of whom paid the ultimate price with their lives. One thing I noticed before entering the museum as well as the Apartheid Museum was that photography was not allowed. Though I don’t claim to know the exact reason for this rule I realized after leaving each museum that being in the moment in a time when it is so easy to get caught up in getting the picture instead of the memory I was more tuned in to what I had been allowed to witness. The fight for freedom across the world, particularly for those of African descent, has been and continues to be a hard fought battle with a not so pretty storyline. I hope you always respect the people who came before you my baby. They never knew your name or saw your face but they fought for you all the same. Taking that into consideration I realized the least I could do was observe their stories without having to get the perfect picture.

And honestly my baby there is no such thing as the perfect picture; in life it is all about perception no matter the topic. So for you the privileges you have been afforded by 1. simply being born in a particular country and 2. through the hard work that Daddy and I put in to supply your needs will ultimately influence your perception of what a hard day is or what you complain about. You are human and I will never try to make you feel guilty for having a bad day or letting a complaint slip, because we all have our days, but I do hope that you are able to broaden your perception of life in a way that allows you to remember that your privileges and blessings are not ones that are afforded to everyone. And this goes beyond the materialistic possessions you will acquire. Be grateful my baby you were provided the life you have been given for a reason; and never look down on another because they haven’t been given the same. The children I met who lived in the villages with no running water, paved roads, and were sharing a shack with 10 family members also spoke 11 languages, loved playing soccer, and were genuinely happy so a book truly can’t be judged by its cover. A person with half as much can be twice as happy as their neighbor and our ability to dictate our happiness is where the true privilege lies.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl longing for what someone else has thinking it will make them happy trust me you don’t know the whole story. We build our perceptions based upon the information we have available. I know right now the world seems obsessed with social media and the lives of celebrities but always keep in mind who writes the story. And remember that you have the privilege of narrating your own story and you can paint yourself as the heroine or the victim…its all in how you picture yourself.

Dear Ellie:

Of all the stuff I’ve been brave enough to do over the course of my trip, like going into a cage with lion cubs, I think it took the most guts to leave you and Daddy for so long because you all are such a big part of my happy place. When people ask me what I do for a living or what I’m studying the next question is almost always “isn’t that tough to deal with?”. And honestly my baby yes it is tough I deal with the troubles of others day in and day out but the one thing that keeps me going and smiling is coming home to you and Daddy. Home truly is where the heart is and I want you to remember that. No matter where life takes you I promise to always be there for you to come back. Even if it’s not physically coming home; even if it’s just a matter of reminding you that you’re loved, you’re strong, and whatever it is you put your mind to you can do. I’m well aware that no matter how talented or smart you are sometimes you need a reminder and sometimes you just need someone who knows when you need a hug. I feel so blessed to have that and to know I have the opportunity to give you the same. Don’t ever be afraid to rest. When you’re built for greatness you have to remember to maintain the tools you’ve been blessed with. So whether it’s coming home or having a quiet moment to get back in touch with yourself never loose sight of where your heart truly is. Your heart is like your North Star as long as you stay true to it you can find your way.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who sees home as a place of anger, hurt, and anything but love…take control and find your own happy place. Home is where you find peace and love and sometimes the only place you can get that is within yourself because we can’t control those around us. But just because there is chaos around you doesn’t mean you can’t find the peace you need right in your own heart.

Dear Ellie: 

I usually don’t write you about the same topic back to back but I really want to make sure I don’t slack in talking to you about what your heritage means especially in the country you are being raised in. I also want to make sure that I document for you just how certain events make me feel so that when your time comes to learn about it you get the fullest effect possible. You are a beautiful brown baby girl which means you will grow up to be a gorgeous black woman with a host of other great qualities like intelligence, compassion, and strength. Yes definitely strength my baby. I’ve never met a weak black woman in my life; though I have met many who didn’t know how strong they were just yet. The type of strength you will grow to posses is the kind you only get after you work through the fear you experience after your Father is called a nigger by a white man in your presence and you know the only thing stopping him from lashing out is the strength of being a good Father. Its the kind of strength you get when you learn to hold your head high when you walk into a room full of people who don’t look like you and who are staring at you in amazement as if you arrived through some kind of magic trick simply because that’s what Mommy raised you to do. These are the types of experiences that brought me strength and yes my baby you will definitely be strong too. I just hope you remember to use your strength in a positive way because your strength isn’t just meant to benefit you my baby. You see black women in America are apart of this dynamic duo with black men and when we put our strength together and support each other the world can change. You were born to be the Coretta, Betty, Myrlie, Camille, or Ruby to someone’s Martin, Malcolm, Medgar, Bill, or Osie. And I don’t mean that to say you were born to marry a black man, love comes in all forms. But regardless of your spouse never stop supporting your black brothers blood or otherwise. Those women I named and countless others supported and fought along side their counterparts. You can do the same. Another young black man named Ezell was gunned down by law enforcement early this morning on the other side of the country but it hurt my heart like it was at my front door step just like it does anytime I hear of a young black man dying far to young in an unnecessary manner. I’m not psychic so I don’t know how your generation will encourage change but I pray that you find a way, or make one, that works. Its common practice for my generation to take to social media to express social outrage and while some people consider it to be passive I’m not mad about it one bit. Everyone is not a gun toting Black Panther militant anymore than those who are can be the type to sit idly by. But my baby everyone can do something. The power of a determined collective group focused on changed is beyond measure. But don’t wait for something terrible to happen to uplift your counterpart, they need it every day. And honestly if you need a tragedy for inspiration they unfortunately happen every day. To be a black man in America far to often means waking up to the reality that today I may be doubted, mistreated, discriminated against, put down and it has absolutely nothing to do with who I am or how I perform as an individual. I don’t say this to create a sense of pity in you because pressure overtime creates diamonds and over the centuries in this country have turned that experience into a source of strength and sheer will power. In essence I say it because if you’re going to be judged as a group why not encourage those you are grouped with to be great and support them in your collective fight. Be strong my baby & share your strength after all what are superheroes for if they don’t help save the day. 

Love You Always, 

Mommy

P.S. To any little girl reading this…black, white, or any other color…respect the struggle of the person next to you. If this is not your reality that does not give you the right to say it isn’t someone else’s. It is my sincere wish that every little girl reading this grows up with all the privileges she is deserving of and it is the honest truth to say that each will not. However, what NO ONE can keep from you is the ability to believe in a cause or a person. Fight for what you believe in however you see fit duo or not you are dynamic!

Dear Ellie:

I hate having to tell you no but as a busy little toddler its a word you hear often. So knowing the way I feel dealing with simple matters such as telling you that you can’t go in the garbage can or step off the curb I can only imagine the knots I’ll get in my stomach when you start asking about the tough stuff like why is there so much hate and violence in the world, what’s suicide, or why do little black boys get shot and killed so often. I know I won’t like to see your innocence slip away but I promise not to let that innocence turn into ignorance and allow you to pretend to be blissfully unaware. You are born of African descent being raised in the United States of America and that in itself will shape your world view beyond measure and it will allow you to live with the reality that life is not always perfect many times for reasons outside of your perceived control. Sometimes my baby, life just changes much to fast for our liking. Like for Mike Brown or Trayvon Davis. I was not present and I can’t pretend to know every fact surrounding their last moments but I do know that they were two young black boys in America who were shot and killed. I also know that their stories are not nearly as uncommon as I wish they were. And I know that when I look at my nephews in spite of all their intelligence, kindheartedness, and handsomeness there will likely come a time that they will come face to face with the darker side of being a black man in America and I have to play my role as a part of their village to prepare them to handle it to the best of their ability. This is our reality; one that we can not assume or expect everyone else to understand anymore than we can understand the reality of a man who’s life brought others so much joy yet he decided to end his own. Tragedies will occur in life and while I don’t want you to fear the world for the danger it may bring I also don’t want you to be numb to them. I encourage you to care and to make a difference in your world. Yes racism, classism, and all other kinds of isms continue to exist and are not likely to disappear by the time you read this but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them shine your own light of change. And on the other side of the coin if you see someone suffering don’t just give up on them or dismiss them whether its the young black boys laughing on a porch on the south side of Chicago who statistics would say are doomed to kill each other one day or a person struggling to find a reason to live. Sometimes the laughter stops but that doesn’t have to mean the story ends…encourage someone, be an example of greatness, give someone a smile for all you know they just might need it. Because my baby those same little boys can give a city hope just by playing baseball or a person struggling can find help. Sometimes tragedies happen my baby its a fact of life that we can not change but what we can decide is how we respond. I choose to try to encourage youth because I believe doing my part to change a generation means doing my part to change the world and I work in mental health because I believe people sometimes need the space to heal. For some that will not be good enough but I urge you to remember that there a lot of roles in life not all can be filled by one person so listen to your heart, play your role in you village, and hopefully you’ll help somebody to laugh again too.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. For the little girl who has to grow up and see tragedy after tragedy…you to can create change. During the civil rights movement there were all kinds of roles to be played from those that go the word out to those on the front lines marching. Whatever you are passionate about be the change you want to see and don’t let anyone tell you its not good enough. Everyone is not a militant but that doesn’t mean they can’t be effective. Sometimes its as simple as starting within yourself and asking for help or helping to bring back laughter and happiness to a place where it has long been missing.