1

Unplug

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Dear Ellie:

I want to thank you for taking my phone for a swim in Harvey’s water bowl yesterday. Because you did, and because I also left my bag with my laptop and iPad when I picked you up after work, I was with out all of my technology devices. I use those items to take pictures of you and share them with loved ones, check email, text people, scroll through social media when I should be studying, and when I’m finally able to focus write papers and read articles for my dissertation. You were born into a world where technology has become an extension of the human race. It’s apart of almost everything. And don’t get me wrong I love technology but today you reminded me to unplug and tap into the simple things…the realllllly simple things like turning the tv by hand, because I usually use an app on my phone. By the time you grow up there’s really no telling where technology will be but wherever it’s at give yourself time to tune in to real life not social media or apps on a phone but just regular old singing songs cause you can’t turn on pandora real life. My baby you will quickly see that’s it’s the things that don’t change that really matter. Reserve time for your own quiet moments, they will quickly become pieces of gold when life starts to move too fast. And it’s ok to turn off the email, text messages, etc those who really need you will find you and those who don’t…well they will still be there in the morning. I promise you the world will not go up in flames because a work email that comes through Sunday night goes unanswered until office hours. And if life is still simple when you read this that cute boy can wait for a call back too. Everyone doesn’t need immediate and constant access to you. Take time to remember what’s really important. I’m so grateful that thanks to you I always will.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that is the first to sign up for every social media site have fun but don’t forget the power we give technology. Technology owns every piece of information we give it and it can never really be erased. Ask yourself do you reallllllly want technology to own your every emotion, thought, and picture, that you’ll hate of yourself by this time next week anyway,…if the answer is no then keep it for yourself or your friends…everything isn’t for everyone.

1

Death Becomes Life

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Dear Ellie:

I hope that your first experience with someone close to you passing away is far far in the distance but the thing about life is that you truly never know. And honestly your first experience or your 5th, it all hurts. I remember the first time someone I knew passed…it was my Great-Great Uncle Richard; I couldn’t have been more than 5 and didn’t really understand the concept but I cried and cried to my Daddy and he gave me red kool aid. Then yesterday as I drove home taking the streets instead of the expressway because there was a bad accident I realized somewhere along that hour and a half drive that I was taking the same route that I would take to see my Granny, one of your namesakes, during the last months of her physical life. I drove that way several times a week for almost a month to see a beautiful angel named Elizabeth begin her journey out of this world, but yesterday I was driving just to get home to see my angel baby Elizabeth. And again I was so grateful for you. Because you’re always in my thoughts you are somehow always guiding me to see the bigger picture and my silver lining. The night my Granny passed I remember the phone call that came during a time of the night when the phone shouldn’t ring and I remember telling your Daddy that I think this will be it I knew if she was headed back to the hospital she wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t think this because I’m pessimistic but because I knew my Granny she was VERY strong willed, just like you, and she told us she wasn’t going back to the hospital and I knew with her strong will she would determine just when she decided to move on. On the the drive to the hospital with your Yeye to hear the inevitable news I said a silent prayer not that she would stay just until I got there or anything like that but just for peace because I think in those type of times that’s the best we can ask for. When there is truly nothing you can do just ask for peace to surround you. I also remember the next day June 3rd so much clearer…I remember finally breaking down and I remember talking to your Daddy, your God Mommy Kris bringing me cheese fries, your Aunt Brandy letting me know she was sorry to hear even though it was your cousin’s birthday. These are the things that stand out to me…the people who truly genuinely care. When the time comes for you to experience a loss let those people be there for you don’t push them away God place them right there for a reason. They may never even really know what it meant to you but that’s not always the point and they won’t do it for the recognition anyway. When someone close to you passes it may feel like a hole being burned into your memory and heart…time will stop for a moment and you’ll never forget it. Just like I remember the tears your Pops shed when my Great Grandma Rose passed, or my heart stopping when I realized the phone call your Daddy got when his Granny (your other namesake) passed, or my roommates gathering around my tiny dorm room at CAU so I could get the news my Aunt Janet had passed (that’s still probably the biggest shock of my life) and so many more times that will forever be there in my memory. Sometimes those memories will sneak up on you and take your joy away momentarily. But in those times my baby remember the other memories, the really really good ones that make you laugh until your side hurts. When the sadness creeps in I hope you smile like your Daddy does thinking about his cousin Shareeka or how your Yeye and your great aunts laugh thinking about my Aunt Denise. Death is the more unfortunate of the two universally guaranteed parts of life but take joy in knowing its a cycle. With death will come life again. You remind your Daddy and I so much of your namesakes at different times and sometimes I get a little jealous because I know you get to laugh and talk with all those angels around you. And those angels will never really leave you. We carry the people we love in our souls and that never changes. The hugs stop and the sound of their voices may fade but they never leave us. So I hope you can find joy in that, and find a way to smile a little quicker when you feel like someone has been taken and until you’re ready just remember to rely on those living angels like mommy’s, daddy’s, uncles, aunties, best friends, a nice stranger, etc that God gave you to help pull through. I promise my baby even after death you will find your way back to life. After all just like my Granny would always say instead of goodbye its Just For Now…

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl facing the idea of death remember that spirits don’t die. They are there in the smile of a baby or the little signs that make sense to only you. Don’t feel guilty in moments of happiness because continuing to live doesn’t dishonor those no longer with us. Be strong and in that strength don’t be afraid to be weak.

5

Mirror Mirror

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Dear Ellie:

This past weekend while at the grocery store a nice lady approached us and complemented you on how pretty you were and then told me that you looked just like me. Even though I think you are the perfect mix of Mommy and Daddy we often get that compliment while out and about. I’m not sure if people realize how big that is to me or if they are just making an observation, probably the latter. But my baby I don’t think I’ve ever received a bigger or better compliment than when people say you remind them of me or that you look just like me. Sometimes I even catch myself off guard looking through the thousands of pictures I’ve taken of you and have to agree that it really is like looking in a mirror some days. Can you imagine someone comparing you to your picture of perfection…talk about an ego boost! You are gorgeous my baby with your chubby cheeks, beautiful eyes that melt my heart, that head full of curls, and of course the smile that can brighten my whole week in an instant. I might stan so hard for you because you’re my baby but you truly are undeniably gorgeous. It’s not just your features though love bug it’s the brightness around you that brings out your beauty. And it’s that light that shines over you that I hope you never loose. I also hope that as you grow if people keep telling you that we look alike or that you remind them of me I hope that makes you smile. As I got older family and friends would start to say wow you are starting to look like your mom which is in stark contrast to being my Daddy’s twin from the day I was born. In my heart though I know its not really a change in features but more so that as I grew older I began to take on traits that I learned from my Mommy. The way she carried herself, the way she demanded respect, her confidence, and definitely her sassiness are all traits that before I knew it became my own. So in thinking about this I have decided even more so that if our mothers are our first mirrors in which we see ourselves as women then I promise your mirror will reflect the very best of you. I remember being pregnant with you and being very aware of the things I said and the music I listened to. Now as I have conversations with you that I know you can’t quite understand, yet I believe they reach your spirit, and I write you these open letters that you can’t read yet I have watched my words turn into actions. Thank you my baby for making me better and helping me to remember that there is always a higher plateau to reach. There is nothing wrong with becoming a better person by your own definition despite the backlash you may receive from people who say “you’ve changed”. In that same breath when you grow up it will be you looking back in the mirror not anyone else so live by your own expectations not anyone else’s. If you can focus on that, your own continuous journey, you will also find you have less and less time or energy to judge the journey of those around you. What is for you is for you. There are a million lessons, laughs, experiences, destinations, etc out there waiting that have been designed just for you. Don’t delay your blessings worrying about those whose time on your journey has ended or whose role in your play has changed. That light that I hope you keep comes from being free of unhealthy relationships, focusing on the positive, and loving yourself. When you can look in your mirror and see all the beauty God created in you it is so much easier to see it every where else as well. When I realized my Mommy was my mirror I was so proud and in awe of her. She loves her family with every ounce of her being and to be compared to someone like that is humbling. So I promise to work every single day to make you proud, to provide you with opportunities big and small, and to be an example of the type of woman you don’t have to be but wouldn’t mind being.

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P. S. To the little who is searching for a mirror that reflects the kind of beauty she hopes to see, they are out there. Mirrors are everywhere in your coach, the lady that sits down the row from you at church, your best friend, the list goes on. Search for beauty in your community and before you know it you will see it in yourself too. And if you haven’t found that mirror become one. Everyday new little girls are born into this world and every single one of them could use someone that reflects the greatness they are capable of.

1

Plane, Train, or Automobile

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Dear Ellie:

I don’t have any big metaphors today I just to make sure I tell you to travel. See new worlds my baby don’t ever be afraid to step outside your front door. Whether it’s going from the south side to the north side new experiences are waiting for you. And make sure you use your resources, if you make a friend that moves to London hop on a plane and go! (I’m sure your God Father will move somewhere exotic by the time you’re able to travel alone so go visit.) Every time you experience a new country, city, or town your world view expands a bit more and you see things a little differently. See as much as you can, and go as far as you can. You don’t have to be afraid to travel because there will always be a home waiting for you. Home is where you are loved and comfortable. When you travel you won’t know the people and it may even get a little scary but that’s life my baby. You realize what you’re capable of when you allow yourself to experience discomfort. The love and comfort of home will always be here, in fact you can carry it with you in your heart when you travel so JUST GO…what’s stopping you? Nothing at all in fact the world is waiting!

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl sitting comfortably on her side of town…grab a bus card, buy a train ticket, apply for a study abroad scholarship. Do whatever you have to do but go make some memories…and not the same ones you made yesterday. You never know what’s out there for you if you don’t go looking. And you may have a million reasons (excuses) why you can’t but you can find a way or make one to do anything…I promise you that!

1

The Fast Lane

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Dear Ellie:

Mommy and Daddy spend A LOT of time in the car…commuting to work, running errands, road tripping with you, and so on and so forth. Thanks to you though my baby everything has new meaning and I’m learning to see the lessons and blessings in even the most mundane things, like traffic! Today as I drove home I thought about lanes. In life there will be times that you will be in the fast lane, times you’ll be in the passing lane, and times you’ll be in the far lane realizing your exit is coming up. You will also share those lanes and my baby I guarantee you that everyone is not a good driver. There are drivers who will cut you off and try to steal your place in the lane just to get two cars ahead. There will also be drivers who when they see you trying to get over will block your way because they don’t want you to pass them. And there will be drivers who are just in the totally wrong lane, speeding in the slow lane or going at the pace of a snail in the fast lane. As your Pops always told me when I was learning to drive “it’s not your driving I’m worried about it’s everyone else’s out there.”. So my baby drive defensively. Not so defensively that you don’t let people into your lane or cut in front of you when they ask nicely but make sure you pay attention. Every driver is not a good one and there will be times when you just have to let some of them pass for your own well being. Don’t waste your energy in road rage getting angry at those you felt wronged you because they will keep on driving and not think twice. Your goal is to get safely to your destination, of which you’ll have many. Sometimes you’ll be in the car pool lane with someone along for the ride helping you get through the traffic. Whatever experiences you have on the road of your life enjoy it, pay attention, and say a prayer before you go because you never know what’s waiting for you on the road.

Love You Always

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl racing down life’s highway slow down young girl. I promise you the road stretches on for miles and miles. Don’t be in such a rush give yourself time to get there.

0

A Caged Bird Freed

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Dear Ellie:

Today the world lost the physical presence of an amazing woman. We lost a woman who faced more than her fair share of adversity to say the least. That remarkable woman that we lost today is Dr. Maya Angelou. She was once a beautiful bird that racism, rape, and teenage motherhood tried to cage. But in spite of it all Dr. Maya Angelou continued to rise. Today all across various sites on the internet there were Maya Angelou quotes that were all so inspiring, beautiful, and full of love. When I first was alerted to the news of her death I stopped in my tracks for a moment and was truly taken aback. There are some spirits that you never expect to move on, even with full understanding of how short life is, and for me Dr. Maya Angelou is one of those spirits. But then I saw those quotes and it dawned on me how truly immortal she is. I call her immortal not because of her words but because of the feelings her words can stir up in a person. Dr. Angelou was once quoted as saying “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’m not sure that truer words were ever spoken my baby. Memories will fade, good or bad, but a feeling can be felt all over again as though no time has passed. There are a ton more quotes from Dr. Angelou that I will share with you throughout life because, as I promised before, I will ensure that you know YOUR history. The history of this great woman is now in the hands of mommies like me to teach babies like you. We are all connected my baby. In fact just last week I googled the title of this blog just to see what came up and I saw a book of Dr. Angelou’s that I had not read before titled: Letter to my Daughter”. I never had the privilege of meeting Dr. Angelou but I surely took it as a sign that this blog is something I should share…again it was a feeling. Love bug I am going to leave with two things, 1. A promise to share Dr. Angelou’s brilliance with you and 2. Dr. Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman”. There is no way to read this poem and not feel amazing about every inch of you. I hope to hear you one day recite this poem with the excitement and confidence intended to accompany it.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I Love you My phenomenal baby!

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl yet to experience the words of Dr. Maya Angelou start here with this poem then indulge in her wisdom. There’s a bit of the kind of woman she was in each of us and that means you can be just as phenomenal!

0

New Beginnings

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Dear Ellie:

New beginnings can be so exciting. In fact its one of the things I love most about seeing you grow up. Everything is so new and exciting to you. Its almost like I get a new beginning too. Holidays this past year because they were your first were just as exciting for me this past year as they were when I was a child. What brings excitement to new beginnings is the freshness of them. So today I want to tell you my baby that it is possible to start fresh. When life throws a curve ball at you or you just find yourself stuck in a routine that you’re not happy with allow your self to move forward and start fresh. The mistakes of your past can turn into quick sand, keeping you stuck in the same pool of guilt and shame, but only if you let them. I’ll tell you a secret: EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES! The key to moving past them is owning up to them. You can’t learn the lesson you were supposed to learn from a mistake if you’re busy trying to bury it. Instead put that energy into a fresh start. Whatever it is keeping you from starting fresh…LET IT GO my baby, for the sake of your sanity LET IT GO. And I don’t mean a superficial saying you don’t care when you really do letting go, I mean a true make peace with the situation and yourself and move forward kind of letting go. Whatever it is that you think is to big to handle its not…you can do this trust me. And whenever you feel like its too much to handle I promise to be here for you to unload on. God didn’t give me the strength to carry you for nothin’ my baby. I promise to hold you up when the world weighs you down and to push you forward toward that fresh start…always.

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P.S. To the girl hiding from herself because she’s embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, or feeling anything else that’s weighing her down I double dog dare you to let it go. Take ownership over your present and future and soon you will realize you hold the rights to your past too. You can’t control what people do or how they feel about you but can take charge of your life and the sooner you do the better. 

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Memorial Day

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Dear Ellie:

You were born into a world where war is constantly in session. Unfortunately it’s likely by the time you read this a new war will be upon us. However while I wish there could be peace in the world and that soldiers didn’t have to fight on behalf of people like you and I they do. And often those soldiers give their lives. So while you don’t have to agree with war and I hope you will be a beacon of peace for those that meet you, I also hope that you will always respect those who choose to fight until the worlds finds peace. If you see a soldier say thank you…it doesn’t have to be more or less than that. Keep in mind they are not guaranteed to be able to be present on another Veterans Day as opposed to being remembered on Memorial Day any more than anyone else is guaranteed their next breath. A simple gesture of respect can go along way so never hesitate to extend it.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who grew up to serve and gave her life without hesitation…THANK YOU.

2

Hear it, see it, speak it

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Dear Ellie:

There’s a saying that goes hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. I never really put much thought into it until earlier when I thought about the opposite hear good, see good, speak good. I realized then that it’s just another way of saying, something I’m sure you will have heard me say by now, the power of life and death is in the tongue. No matter how small or overwhelmed you may feel you have the power to change your situation by changing your outlook. Speak life into whatever it is that you feel is failing. But my baby before you do that be still and listen, make sure you are hearing what’s really intended for your life when you ask for guidance. There will be times that you will focus on something you think you want so badly that you will rush to speak life into something that was meant to be left in the dust. Which is why it’s so important not to skip the first step “hearing”. You also have to see good for yourself. When you feel far away from your goals you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and see yourself already there. Don’t wait until you’ve “made it” to see yourself there. Your outlook of your journey to success will be much different (not easier but different) if you picture yourself as already successful. There’s power in viewing something as a lesson instead of a set back. So whether you write it down, talk to yourself in the mirror, or anything else you have to visualize the good. Then my baby you definitely have to SPEAK good into your life. You can speak the impossible into reality if you just have faith. More than that though be sure you surround yourself who speak good for you to hear, who you see as good in your life, and who speak life into you (when you’re around and when you’re not) and be sure you do the same for them. Your uncle or Khalu as you probably call him by now spoke such positive energy and life into my idea of starting this blog for you and it’s moments and people like that will help you to press forward when don’t think you have it in you. Faith, will, and determination are stronger than any obstacle that will be thrown your way because it helps you to keep your joy. Combine that with support and you are unstoppable my baby. So when those obstacles pop up, as they always will, take a pause and remember to hear, see, and speak the good you want in your life my baby.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl feeling lost, alone, set back, or like a failure….you’re not any of those things. I full heartedly believe that you are always exactly where you are supposed to be and if you’re not where you want to be then focusing on the problem will not move you forward. Speak life where you thought your goals, dignity, self respect, or dreams had died. You can do it just believe it!