Tag Archives: black girl magic

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Finding Figures

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Dear Ellie:
There’s a frequently used African proverb that states it takes a village to raise a child. I’ve heard that proverb a million times, and by the time you’re able to read this you probably will have heard it a million times too. I am just realizing that with our work being so connected, thanks to technology, that village is no longer just our elders, neighbors, friends, teachers etc. It’s not just the people who have held you, come to visit you, or welcomed you into this world. No, my baby, I realized today that the village is bigger than that. It’s the figures you see on the screen, the images you read about in your books, and people you learn about in museums. I realized today, as I watched you watch the movie Hidden Figures, that I was watching you see yourself in a little girl who liked shapes. At the same time I was seeing myself in a mom who just wanted the best for her child; a child with a gift for much more than shapes. And while you may never meet Taraji, Janelle, or Octavia who played the three main characters in the movie, they had an impact on you today that I can’t deny. I can however promise to continue to do my best to find figures for you outside of myself to add to your village that you can see a piece of yourself in. I want you to see the beauty, good, honesty, curiousity, perseverance, fortitude, ability, and so much more in yourself; starting by seeing it in other people. And while I strive every day to be the best example for you to watch the greatness in you is so large that it would be a disservice to pretend that I’m all you need. You are at a critical point in life where you are creating an image of yourself in a carefree way because you don’t even realize you’re doing it; but I do. I see your wheels turn when you watch Simone flip, when you see Chloe of Syncopated Ladies tap dance, or listen to Michele speak. It’s the same wheels that turn when you watch your Aunty Charisma sing, watch your Grammy garden, your Yeye baking, or see a picture of your GodMommy Kristin in her white Doctors coat. Every time those wheels turn the picture of yourself in your head gets a little clearer and a little stronger. I want you to know that you are connected to all these images that light a spark in you from the drive you read about in your new favorite book about Wilma Rudolph to the beauty in mommy’s natural hair that curls tight like yours. The ease of access to images in this world can be intimidating as a parent, but I choose to use it to show you the best, to build a digital village for you that is encouraging and inspiring. I choose to find figures for you that make you proud, make you want more, make you think, and make you smile. I don’t know if your dream of going to outer space will be temporary or if it will shoot you past the stars but I do know that you will never find it hard to imagine yourself there or anywhere else you want to go, and I’m thankful for everyone behind movies like Hidden Figures that tell stories that you see yourself in until you can write your own. 

Love you always, 

Mommy

P.S. – To the little girl looking for herself but can’t find the positive…surround yourself with those who exhibit the qualities you wish to have. Even if it’s just following nothing but positive people on social media you may see sooner than you think that you fit right in with the village you build for yourself.

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Super Powers & Kryptonite

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Dear Ellie:

It has been a while since I have posted a letter for you for many reasons my favorite of which being that you grow so much every day and have become my favorite person to talk to besides your Daddy. (How lucky am I to live with my two best friends.) You turned 3 just over a month ago and the things you have learned and concepts you have grasped in that short period amazes me. As you grow and I try to instill in you the values I think are important like kindness, honesty, compassion, and more I love to watch your wheels turn as the idea of you learning these things goes from abstract to every day occurrences. In trying to teach you these things I have learned so much about myself, largely because you imitate me so well that I can’t help but to say “Welp I know where she got that from…Me!.” Which is just as often a good thing as a not so good thing, but it always inspires me to grow. Being your mother has both given me the most joy and caused the most self doubt that I have experienced in my life thus far because no role has ever held so much importance. There are times that no matter what I do I have no control over the outcome of the situation, which is of course a part of life that everyone must cope with but there is something that cuts deep about not being able to make a cold go away, or having to learn to be patient when I see your shyness take over because I just want the world to see the light beam from you like I do, or worse trying to help you to navigate the loss of our dog who in your world was your best friend in so many ways. To be honest grief is not a road I expected to navigate with you at the age of 3 and yet here we are. It is in these moments that I have to be still and try to remind myself that some days we can only do the best we can and some how try to be satisfied with that even if it does not bring about the outcome we want. Being a mother has made grasping that concept in other facets of my life much easier because nothing compares to drive I have to do the best I can with you. If I can face the tough stuff with you like having to tell you no when you ask can I bring your dog back or keep my calm when you break into an unprovoked tantrum; then my baby there is nothing that I can’t handle. So in a way you have helped me to discover a new level to my own Black Girl Magic and in others you remind me that I’m not super human. You too will have moments that ground you and make you realize some things are simply out of our control…AND THAT’S OKAY! I hope you meet these moments with grace and self confidence because it is not these moments that define you it is how you continue to rise to the occasion. THAT is where our magic lies. If you can see past what you perceive to be failures and push through in spite of them, as well as because of them, you have already won the battle that you thought you didn’t have the weapons to fight. I also pray that you are able to see the reminders of your strength around you when you can’t find the voice inside yourself that tells you. You my baby are that reminder for me, constant and pure. We were at a museum about a week ago and as you drew pictures of creatures with super powers at a children’s exhibit you named several that you had created in your mind after me and Daddy. When I asked what the “Mommy” creature’s power was you simply said “listening to me” with out even looking up from your next drawing. Little did you know that moment to me was the equivalent of kryptonite being lifted off Superman. I was worried because you had seen so many people playing with their dogs, and your were likely to start running a fever because I knew you had caught some germs but in that moment I realized I was doing the best I could for you just to be present. So my baby remember hard times will come, obstacles will trip you up, and there will be times that you question yourself and your path but NEVER question who you are! Surround yourself with people who remind you of your strength and beauty (inside and out) but don’t rely on them, trust yourself to be able to shake off the specks of kryptonite that may fall on you because your superpowers can never be defeated.

 

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl (and every little girl inside a grown woman) that finds herself in a place of uncertainty know that it can and will be ok. Uncertainty does not have to equal defeat; it can be the catalyst to push you to work harder for your goal. It’s your choice. In moments when you feel you can not succeed examine how hard you have worked and give yourself credit. There is nothing wrong with self reflection, be honest but also be kind with yourself. Even super heroes have weaknesses, but that does negate their power and your weakness can not stop your power either!