Tag Archives: black girls

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If You Were a Girl

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Dear Ellie:

From the time you were just Ellie in my belly and not fully formed into my Ellie Bellie I knew you were a girl. Once that feeling was confirmed on the giant ultrasound screen at the fancy 3D place on the Northside (that I just had to go to because I couldn’t wait 6 more weeks to confirm my suspicions) there was an even bigger flood of excitement. I knew if you were a girl people would buy you tons of pretty dresses to wear, your grandparents would be over the moon because you’d be the first girl grandchild on both sides of the family, and me and Daddy would name you after our maternal grandmothers as Daddy had suggested years before. Yep, I knew all of this just because you were a girl. But my baby being a girl doesn’t define everything about you, especially when it comes to what some may think they know about you “just because you’re a girl”. Knowing you were a girl didn’t tell me that you’d actually grow to like Nike sweats like daddy wear just as much as you dresses (most times you like them better). Knowing you were a girl also didn’t tell me that you’d like space so much and have early dreams of being an astronaut or that my own idea of being a woman and raising one would be tested. There are a lot of things that just knowing whether or not you were a girl could never tell me. Being a girl is fun, challenging, magical, empowering, draining, and a whole lot of other things all wrapped into one, most times on a daily basis. Society might try to define that for you but you don’t have to let it. There’s nothing wrong with going to the “boys section” to find the cute astronaut hat you would like because for some reason the clothing designer just didn’t think girls would want it. There’s also nothing wrong with loving the fluffy dress that you’ll only wear once. Define your femininity for yourself based off your likes and dislikes, and let it ever evolve. The other morning I caught you staring at me, doing your normal observations, and you said “Mommy why do you like dresses so much”. I gave my take “they’re comfortable”, “I think I look pretty in them”, “This one has pockets!”. I could see your wheels start to turn as they always do and you responded “My sweat suit is comfortable and I look pretty too.” All I could say was, “it sure is and you sure do my baby”. May you always have that much confidence in yourself and be able to take outside reflections of yourself and apply it in a way that feels right for you. I can’t tell you how often you’ll be one of the only girls at space or science camp, what sports you’ll like, or if you’ll continue to hold interest in things like hair and nails. I can tell you though that since the moment I knew you were a girl I knew you’d be strong, smart, beautiful, and that Daddy and I would do our absolute best to give you what you need to face a world that isn’t always kind to little brown girls. Building yourself, and in this case my child, up from the inside out is what makes a strong foundation not what we put on the outside and I hope you always remember that.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl: YOU’RE AMAZING!! So amazing that without us life would cease. I imagine for some that’s scary. Maybe that’s why society tries to project an image that girls are weaker or have to fit in a box. In reality though you can be whoever you want to be! And no matter what has happened in the past, even if you yourself have felt weaker or stuck in a box you can always start anew. You’re a girl, be proud of that, and define that for yourself.

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Breath Taking

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Dear Ellie:

I must admit when I decided to start writing my letters to you openly I did not take into account the number of times I would be faced with writing to you about issues that quite frankly break my heart (but its my belief that God times everything perfectly). It is a difficult realization to look at you and know that there will come a time that you will be judged on how you look not who you are, and unfortunately my baby this is a fact not an assumption. I promise to be the best example and I can be for you and to encourage you to be better and go farther than me. But I’m not quite sure how to prepare you for the anger or fear that you’ll feel when one of the black men in your life, no matter how great they are, find themselves in a confrontation with those meant to protect us. I will teach you how to call 911, not to hate any group of people, and that if a crime is committed against you to call the police. But again I don’t know how to prepare you for a system that is designed to protect you FROM people who look like you not to protect people who look like you. I remember moving to the suburbs and yours Pops being pulled over a block away from our home and I remember your Daddy calling to tell me he had been pulled over in route from Minneapolis. In both cases neither was in the wrong but excuses were given of why they were pulled over. I can not promise you that if you find yourself up against someone in power that there is much you can do in the moment but get through it with air still in your lungs but I can promise you that I will not raise you to sit passively by after the fact. I find myself feeling obligated daily to live my life in a way that will inspire somebody or help somebody even when I think I just don’t have it in me because people like Eric Garner, whatever his sins and transgressions might have been, pleaded until his literal last breath. I find myself empathizing with the family of Tamir Rice because your Daddy was once a 12 year old boy who had been taught to shoot a BB gun in the country with his grandfather but Tamir didn’t have that luxury of playing with a BB gun. I know a lot of people who say they are scared for the black men in their life but I choose not to be afraid but rather be driven for them because I love your Daddy, my Father, your Uncle, and all 6 of my nephews way too much to just live in fear. The day of the grand jury decision in the case of the killing of Michael Brown was released I had spent my entire day speaking to classrooms that were filled with young black men who could’ve very well been Michael Brown and I don’t take those opportunities lightly (and again God times everything perfectly). So my baby however you decide to fight, because while I can light the fire in you your actions are your choice not mine, just remember there are those who don’t have an option, they can no longer breathe. But as long as you able to, breathe life and positivity into those who hate and discrimination tries to suffocate.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that wonders “what am I supposed to do?”…honestly I can’t tell you. But I can tell you that you can do something. Standing idly by while things you say you are against continue to happen doesn’t mean your opposed to it; it means the role you play allows it to continue. Sometimes we are not in a position to see the bigger picture but that doesn’t mean we are not a part of it. Your life is a tool use it wisely, live in a way that inspires, encourages, creates, or demands change.

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Judge and Jury

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Dear Ellie:

I truly hope you grow up to be able to continuously greet new situations with a fresh take and that you don’t grow cynical after life takes a turn that you’ll find yourself unhappy with, because there will be a lot of turns like that. I will do my best to show you how not to be judgmental of people because you truly never know how many unfortunate turns that person’s life has taken before your paths cross. However, I don’t want you to be naïve either. Being able to judge people and situations is a fine art love bug and one that can take time to master; and quite frankly as a black woman it will be essential. Maya Angelou said once “When people show you who you are believe them; the first time”. It will serve you well to remember that one because sometimes we want to believe the best in people even when faced with overwhelming evidence that a person or situation is not who or what we hoped it would be. And trust me when I say my baby that its ok…no disappointment is in vein if we can find the lesson in it. But you have to take honest inventory of those around us because if they are not contributing to the greater good in your life then why are they still there. It would be wonderful if I could send you out into the world knowing that everyone loved you as much as I did and everyone would care for you like Daddy, but the truth of the matter is that despite the billions of people in the world a miniscule amount of them will truly be good for you. That doesn’t mean though that people can’t have their good moments or that positivity can’t be found in negative situations; you just have to learn how to judge for yourself what your limits should be with certain people and situations. In this world no matter the goodness of your intent you can be turned into a villain or a hero depending on who tells your story. If you were old enough right now to travel to St. Louis County, Missouri you could find yourself in two worlds based upon who you asked to tell you what was going on. Its unfortunate that we will never truly know what happened between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson but I do know that the decision to bring Mr. Wilson to trial or not was not decided by a jury of Mike Brown’s peers and those who wish to can judge him as a “thug” who placed himself in the position to be killed. I also know that Mike Brown will never tell his version of what happened. But you my baby are apart of a generation that will have unlimited access to media and information and it will be your generation that has to use their better judgment when deciding what battles should be fought and who should fight them. Take a honest look at people my baby because not everyone will be here for your betterment and that’s not about being judgmental but rather judging character. It is character that defines a person’s actions when they are left to decide them for themselves, that drives a person’s motives, or that writes post on social media when you don’t have to say what you think aloud to anyone’s face, and its character that shows you who a person really is. So please my baby by all means see the world, be open to new experiences, and don’t judge every book by its cover but when the first chapter is filled with hatred, lies, and other disgusting parts of humanities that I hope you never have to experience (even when I know its inevitable) then at that point its ok to say I see who you are. Be your own judge and jury because this is your life, your rights, your future, etc. and you haven’t been granted the privilege of allowing someone else to protect them.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl reading this. I wish you lived in a society that wouldn’t judge you or place you in a box for your past transgression but this is the world we live in. A world where we have unlimited access to your past and it can be used in anyway seen fit depending on the person. Everyone is not to be trusted and every situation will not have a positive outcome. That doesn’t make you powerless though. Being a good judge of character and understanding the direction you want your life to go in doesn’t make you judgmental or mean that your pessimistic. Walk in your own light and let it be know that anyone or anything that attempts to dim that light won’t be tolerated any longer.

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My Girl, Your World

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Dear Ellie:

By the time you read this you won’t remember but ever since you were just Ellie in my Bellie your Daddy played songs like My Girl by the Temptations for you. And at least twice a day one of our bear hugs includes me saying “Hi My Baby” and that’s just what you are daddy’s girl and my baby…our precious little girl. I know your presence in our lives is exactly why the recent events that include over 200 girls being taken from a school in Nigeria and some of the kidnapped girls being subsequently sold into “marriage” hit my heart so hard. I don’t know if this event will be included in your school history books especially because unfortunately history books will not always includes stories about girls that look like you, just like the girls who were taken, with brown skin and curly hair. But my baby I promise to always teach you about your world and our history. I hope you take my efforts to do this as a lesson to always search for your own truths and to learn as much about your world as you can. When I say your world I mean the whole globe because it’s right there at your finger tips. You are fortunate to live in a world where information is so readily available to you. So I hope your world view at 5 will be bigger than mine when I first traveled internationally at 20. You are my girl but this is your world and as you explore it I hope you find goodness in it but when you learn of things that will tug at your heart like 100’s of parents crying out for a terrorist group to bring back our girls its then that you should remember this is your world and you can make a difference in it. So whether you choose to be a hands on revolutionist raising your fist against the powers that be, a doctor traveling to the far corners of the earth donating medical services, an educator that inspires future generations, or just someone who cares for others in their time of need be active in your world and never let anyone tell you that your part doesn’t make a difference because we need you and your gift. Learn your history so you can know your truth and explore your world so you can find your place in it.

 

Love You Always My Baby!

Mommy

P.S. Every little girl is important and has a place and purpose in the world. No one can stop you but you. So I pray every night that not only are the girls captured from their school in Nigeria returned but also that they remember they are still here and the world still needs them. So whether a kidnapper or a bully there are cowards in the world don’t let them break you WE NEED YOU!