Tag Archives: daughter

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A Love Like This

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Dear Ellie:

I had a thought in mind as I went to write this letter to you and then I heard of the passing of another legend, Ruby Dee. As I tell you all the time, and will continue to, its one of my most important missions in life to ensure that you know and respect the stories of those that came before you so I don’t doubt that by the time you read this on your own you will know who the fabulously talented Ruby Dee was. So today I’m not writing to you about just her exactly but more so the love she had with her husband who passed before her Ossie Davis. Not only did they act in countless movies, plays, etc together they also strived together to fight for things they believed in. I remember seeing pictures of them or watching old movies with my Granny and thinking “man that’s love”. They just exuded love; you could see it in every picture, mannerisms, and look. And I’m sure that there were days when they couldn’t stand each other (cause that’s how love works) but they were the definition of a unit. They remind me of another power couple. They weren’t famous or anything but their love was powerful enough. I’m speaking of my Granny and Grandaddy Paul. My Mommy’s Daddy passed before I was born so I never had the chance to meet him but I could always feel him around. He was in the way your Granny spoke and even there in the dead of night when she would call out to him in her sleep. I remember once she was asked why she never remarried and she said…”To Who?”. She was so taken aback at the question as though it never crossed her mind. She said…”Who else was there?” And in that moment I remember thinking I want a love like a that. A love so powerful that it could help change laws in a country where human beings were seen as less than because of the color or their skin and at the same time so powerful that you couldn’t even imagine life with someone else. The kind of love that gives you confidence that this is it from every up, down, left, and right you know in your heart of hearts you love someone that you can ride it out until the wheels fall off. Some people may say that that’s just how love used to be that they don’t make love like that anymore. Well my baby I think that God is love and with that being my truth how could I ever believe that the kind of love that will last a lifetime doesn’t exist anymore. And I’m so thankful that I know in my heart you will grow up seeing love because he gave me your Daddy. Yes things and times change but a heart is a heart and love is love. But at the same time I don’t want your life to be all about chasing love of a person, because when it’s right it will find you, but I do hope that you always believe in love my baby. After your first, second, or third heart break I hope you keep believing; and I hope that belief helps you to realize that you don’t have to settle for just any love. And my baby everybody’s love looks different so don’t strive for a relationship like Mommy and Daddy’s or even Ruby Dee and Ossie. There’s a love that God created and intended just for you and no one has to understand it but you. And my hopes for you go beyond love for another person I hope the kind of love I’m telling you about consumes your whole life. I pray you have a career that you love and allows you to serve your purpose, that you have hobbies you love, and that life takes you places you fall in love with. Who says every moment of life can’t be great?! Yes as I’ve told you there will be hard times along your journey but when you know in you’re heart that its just a part of a journey toward something you love it makes it so much more worth it. So my baby love hard even if you can’t explain but you know its right go for it. And if that love leaves you I hope you find it again like Ossie has Ruby again and Herbert got Elizabeth back.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl searching for love…STOP! Love isn’t a scavenger hunt or a game of hide and seek. It will find you when you least expect it. Just keep living and loving yourself, your life, and your purpose (even if you don’t know what it is yet) and eventually you will attract the love God intended for you. The kind of love you won’t have to beg for or feel bad about. Just a regular old day in day out I love you even at your worst type of love.

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Shady Queens

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Dear Ellie:

When you look at the women in your family you will see so many beautiful complexions. From fair and flawless to dark and divine there are queens of all shades around you. I remember when you were just a tiny baby, only a few months old, and me and Daddy watched a program on women who had issues with skin tone and many prayed for their daughters to be of a light skin tone. Me and Daddy both said we prayed for the opposite a pretty brown baby that was our complexion. Now I look at you enjoying the sunshine with your caramel kissed skin, that’s lighter than mommy’s, you have no worries of “getting to dark” or what it means to have someone say “you’re pretty for a brown girl”. But as I sat having a discussion with some of the queens in your family this past weekend I quickly remembered that one day you just might have someone try to interject these thoughts into your mind. Don’t ever forget how beautiful you are my baby not in spite of or because of any one thing like skin tone or hair texture…you simply are what you are which is beautiful. And my baby while you’re remembering your own beauty and walking with your own head high remember that every woman around you should be wearing a crown too. Unfortunately in our world some of the women you meet will have had someone in their life who snatched that crown through harsh words and criticisms but that doesn’t mean it can’t be earned back. Sometimes its as simple as telling the lady in front of you in the grocery store she looks nice…no explanation needed. For all you know you may give her the compliment that reminds her to start looking in the mirror and telling herself the same. There is no objective standard of beauty my baby its all subjective. Everyone has an opinion and a preference and that is fine but what is important is that you can 1. appreciate the beauty you’ve been given and 2. learn to see it in others. Your Uncle is amazing at this he sees beauty and goodness in EVERYONE (Mommy’s still working on it) and I hope you learn that being around him. History has tried and, though I hate to say it, often succeeded at dividing people of color by their color. I can say it no plainer than to blatantly tell you light skin women are no prettier and dark skin women are no smarter than the next its all about your mindset. In fact I think its amazing that you can look at the women who share the same DNA as you and see so many beautiful variations. So there is no need to stand in the shade my baby. Stand right there in the sun like you do now and let the sun work its miracle and bring out the browness of your heritage. No matter what cruel words may come your way, whether directed at you or around you, I hope these words that I write to you and plan to tell you daily ring out the loudest you are beautiful and your beauty doesn’t lessen anyone else’s…there is room for all of us in the sun.

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who gets made fun of for being “light bright” or “to dark” I know it hurts but remind yourself you are someone’s idea of the most beautiful girl in the world. If you don’t think its possible then first you have to convince yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful and let your thoughts become your truth. And to the little girl making fun of the other little girl who doesn’t look like her…be a queen. Queens don’t rule with nastiness…I mean who ever dreamed of being the wicked witch instead of the princess.

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Unplug

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Dear Ellie:

I want to thank you for taking my phone for a swim in Harvey’s water bowl yesterday. Because you did, and because I also left my bag with my laptop and iPad when I picked you up after work, I was with out all of my technology devices. I use those items to take pictures of you and share them with loved ones, check email, text people, scroll through social media when I should be studying, and when I’m finally able to focus write papers and read articles for my dissertation. You were born into a world where technology has become an extension of the human race. It’s apart of almost everything. And don’t get me wrong I love technology but today you reminded me to unplug and tap into the simple things…the realllllly simple things like turning the tv by hand, because I usually use an app on my phone. By the time you grow up there’s really no telling where technology will be but wherever it’s at give yourself time to tune in to real life not social media or apps on a phone but just regular old singing songs cause you can’t turn on pandora real life. My baby you will quickly see that’s it’s the things that don’t change that really matter. Reserve time for your own quiet moments, they will quickly become pieces of gold when life starts to move too fast. And it’s ok to turn off the email, text messages, etc those who really need you will find you and those who don’t…well they will still be there in the morning. I promise you the world will not go up in flames because a work email that comes through Sunday night goes unanswered until office hours. And if life is still simple when you read this that cute boy can wait for a call back too. Everyone doesn’t need immediate and constant access to you. Take time to remember what’s really important. I’m so grateful that thanks to you I always will.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that is the first to sign up for every social media site have fun but don’t forget the power we give technology. Technology owns every piece of information we give it and it can never really be erased. Ask yourself do you reallllllly want technology to own your every emotion, thought, and picture, that you’ll hate of yourself by this time next week anyway,…if the answer is no then keep it for yourself or your friends…everything isn’t for everyone.

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Death Becomes Life

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Dear Ellie:

I hope that your first experience with someone close to you passing away is far far in the distance but the thing about life is that you truly never know. And honestly your first experience or your 5th, it all hurts. I remember the first time someone I knew passed…it was my Great-Great Uncle Richard; I couldn’t have been more than 5 and didn’t really understand the concept but I cried and cried to my Daddy and he gave me red kool aid. Then yesterday as I drove home taking the streets instead of the expressway because there was a bad accident I realized somewhere along that hour and a half drive that I was taking the same route that I would take to see my Granny, one of your namesakes, during the last months of her physical life. I drove that way several times a week for almost a month to see a beautiful angel named Elizabeth begin her journey out of this world, but yesterday I was driving just to get home to see my angel baby Elizabeth. And again I was so grateful for you. Because you’re always in my thoughts you are somehow always guiding me to see the bigger picture and my silver lining. The night my Granny passed I remember the phone call that came during a time of the night when the phone shouldn’t ring and I remember telling your Daddy that I think this will be it I knew if she was headed back to the hospital she wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t think this because I’m pessimistic but because I knew my Granny she was VERY strong willed, just like you, and she told us she wasn’t going back to the hospital and I knew with her strong will she would determine just when she decided to move on. On the the drive to the hospital with your Yeye to hear the inevitable news I said a silent prayer not that she would stay just until I got there or anything like that but just for peace because I think in those type of times that’s the best we can ask for. When there is truly nothing you can do just ask for peace to surround you. I also remember the next day June 3rd so much clearer…I remember finally breaking down and I remember talking to your Daddy, your God Mommy Kris bringing me cheese fries, your Aunt Brandy letting me know she was sorry to hear even though it was your cousin’s birthday. These are the things that stand out to me…the people who truly genuinely care. When the time comes for you to experience a loss let those people be there for you don’t push them away God place them right there for a reason. They may never even really know what it meant to you but that’s not always the point and they won’t do it for the recognition anyway. When someone close to you passes it may feel like a hole being burned into your memory and heart…time will stop for a moment and you’ll never forget it. Just like I remember the tears your Pops shed when my Great Grandma Rose passed, or my heart stopping when I realized the phone call your Daddy got when his Granny (your other namesake) passed, or my roommates gathering around my tiny dorm room at CAU so I could get the news my Aunt Janet had passed (that’s still probably the biggest shock of my life) and so many more times that will forever be there in my memory. Sometimes those memories will sneak up on you and take your joy away momentarily. But in those times my baby remember the other memories, the really really good ones that make you laugh until your side hurts. When the sadness creeps in I hope you smile like your Daddy does thinking about his cousin Shareeka or how your Yeye and your great aunts laugh thinking about my Aunt Denise. Death is the more unfortunate of the two universally guaranteed parts of life but take joy in knowing its a cycle. With death will come life again. You remind your Daddy and I so much of your namesakes at different times and sometimes I get a little jealous because I know you get to laugh and talk with all those angels around you. And those angels will never really leave you. We carry the people we love in our souls and that never changes. The hugs stop and the sound of their voices may fade but they never leave us. So I hope you can find joy in that, and find a way to smile a little quicker when you feel like someone has been taken and until you’re ready just remember to rely on those living angels like mommy’s, daddy’s, uncles, aunties, best friends, a nice stranger, etc that God gave you to help pull through. I promise my baby even after death you will find your way back to life. After all just like my Granny would always say instead of goodbye its Just For Now…

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl facing the idea of death remember that spirits don’t die. They are there in the smile of a baby or the little signs that make sense to only you. Don’t feel guilty in moments of happiness because continuing to live doesn’t dishonor those no longer with us. Be strong and in that strength don’t be afraid to be weak.

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Mirror Mirror

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Dear Ellie:

This past weekend while at the grocery store a nice lady approached us and complemented you on how pretty you were and then told me that you looked just like me. Even though I think you are the perfect mix of Mommy and Daddy we often get that compliment while out and about. I’m not sure if people realize how big that is to me or if they are just making an observation, probably the latter. But my baby I don’t think I’ve ever received a bigger or better compliment than when people say you remind them of me or that you look just like me. Sometimes I even catch myself off guard looking through the thousands of pictures I’ve taken of you and have to agree that it really is like looking in a mirror some days. Can you imagine someone comparing you to your picture of perfection…talk about an ego boost! You are gorgeous my baby with your chubby cheeks, beautiful eyes that melt my heart, that head full of curls, and of course the smile that can brighten my whole week in an instant. I might stan so hard for you because you’re my baby but you truly are undeniably gorgeous. It’s not just your features though love bug it’s the brightness around you that brings out your beauty. And it’s that light that shines over you that I hope you never loose. I also hope that as you grow if people keep telling you that we look alike or that you remind them of me I hope that makes you smile. As I got older family and friends would start to say wow you are starting to look like your mom which is in stark contrast to being my Daddy’s twin from the day I was born. In my heart though I know its not really a change in features but more so that as I grew older I began to take on traits that I learned from my Mommy. The way she carried herself, the way she demanded respect, her confidence, and definitely her sassiness are all traits that before I knew it became my own. So in thinking about this I have decided even more so that if our mothers are our first mirrors in which we see ourselves as women then I promise your mirror will reflect the very best of you. I remember being pregnant with you and being very aware of the things I said and the music I listened to. Now as I have conversations with you that I know you can’t quite understand, yet I believe they reach your spirit, and I write you these open letters that you can’t read yet I have watched my words turn into actions. Thank you my baby for making me better and helping me to remember that there is always a higher plateau to reach. There is nothing wrong with becoming a better person by your own definition despite the backlash you may receive from people who say “you’ve changed”. In that same breath when you grow up it will be you looking back in the mirror not anyone else so live by your own expectations not anyone else’s. If you can focus on that, your own continuous journey, you will also find you have less and less time or energy to judge the journey of those around you. What is for you is for you. There are a million lessons, laughs, experiences, destinations, etc out there waiting that have been designed just for you. Don’t delay your blessings worrying about those whose time on your journey has ended or whose role in your play has changed. That light that I hope you keep comes from being free of unhealthy relationships, focusing on the positive, and loving yourself. When you can look in your mirror and see all the beauty God created in you it is so much easier to see it every where else as well. When I realized my Mommy was my mirror I was so proud and in awe of her. She loves her family with every ounce of her being and to be compared to someone like that is humbling. So I promise to work every single day to make you proud, to provide you with opportunities big and small, and to be an example of the type of woman you don’t have to be but wouldn’t mind being.

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P. S. To the little who is searching for a mirror that reflects the kind of beauty she hopes to see, they are out there. Mirrors are everywhere in your coach, the lady that sits down the row from you at church, your best friend, the list goes on. Search for beauty in your community and before you know it you will see it in yourself too. And if you haven’t found that mirror become one. Everyday new little girls are born into this world and every single one of them could use someone that reflects the greatness they are capable of.

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Plane, Train, or Automobile

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Dear Ellie:

I don’t have any big metaphors today I just to make sure I tell you to travel. See new worlds my baby don’t ever be afraid to step outside your front door. Whether it’s going from the south side to the north side new experiences are waiting for you. And make sure you use your resources, if you make a friend that moves to London hop on a plane and go! (I’m sure your God Father will move somewhere exotic by the time you’re able to travel alone so go visit.) Every time you experience a new country, city, or town your world view expands a bit more and you see things a little differently. See as much as you can, and go as far as you can. You don’t have to be afraid to travel because there will always be a home waiting for you. Home is where you are loved and comfortable. When you travel you won’t know the people and it may even get a little scary but that’s life my baby. You realize what you’re capable of when you allow yourself to experience discomfort. The love and comfort of home will always be here, in fact you can carry it with you in your heart when you travel so JUST GO…what’s stopping you? Nothing at all in fact the world is waiting!

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl sitting comfortably on her side of town…grab a bus card, buy a train ticket, apply for a study abroad scholarship. Do whatever you have to do but go make some memories…and not the same ones you made yesterday. You never know what’s out there for you if you don’t go looking. And you may have a million reasons (excuses) why you can’t but you can find a way or make one to do anything…I promise you that!

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The Fast Lane

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Dear Ellie:

Mommy and Daddy spend A LOT of time in the car…commuting to work, running errands, road tripping with you, and so on and so forth. Thanks to you though my baby everything has new meaning and I’m learning to see the lessons and blessings in even the most mundane things, like traffic! Today as I drove home I thought about lanes. In life there will be times that you will be in the fast lane, times you’ll be in the passing lane, and times you’ll be in the far lane realizing your exit is coming up. You will also share those lanes and my baby I guarantee you that everyone is not a good driver. There are drivers who will cut you off and try to steal your place in the lane just to get two cars ahead. There will also be drivers who when they see you trying to get over will block your way because they don’t want you to pass them. And there will be drivers who are just in the totally wrong lane, speeding in the slow lane or going at the pace of a snail in the fast lane. As your Pops always told me when I was learning to drive “it’s not your driving I’m worried about it’s everyone else’s out there.”. So my baby drive defensively. Not so defensively that you don’t let people into your lane or cut in front of you when they ask nicely but make sure you pay attention. Every driver is not a good one and there will be times when you just have to let some of them pass for your own well being. Don’t waste your energy in road rage getting angry at those you felt wronged you because they will keep on driving and not think twice. Your goal is to get safely to your destination, of which you’ll have many. Sometimes you’ll be in the car pool lane with someone along for the ride helping you get through the traffic. Whatever experiences you have on the road of your life enjoy it, pay attention, and say a prayer before you go because you never know what’s waiting for you on the road.

Love You Always

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl racing down life’s highway slow down young girl. I promise you the road stretches on for miles and miles. Don’t be in such a rush give yourself time to get there.

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A Caged Bird Freed

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Dear Ellie:

Today the world lost the physical presence of an amazing woman. We lost a woman who faced more than her fair share of adversity to say the least. That remarkable woman that we lost today is Dr. Maya Angelou. She was once a beautiful bird that racism, rape, and teenage motherhood tried to cage. But in spite of it all Dr. Maya Angelou continued to rise. Today all across various sites on the internet there were Maya Angelou quotes that were all so inspiring, beautiful, and full of love. When I first was alerted to the news of her death I stopped in my tracks for a moment and was truly taken aback. There are some spirits that you never expect to move on, even with full understanding of how short life is, and for me Dr. Maya Angelou is one of those spirits. But then I saw those quotes and it dawned on me how truly immortal she is. I call her immortal not because of her words but because of the feelings her words can stir up in a person. Dr. Angelou was once quoted as saying “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’m not sure that truer words were ever spoken my baby. Memories will fade, good or bad, but a feeling can be felt all over again as though no time has passed. There are a ton more quotes from Dr. Angelou that I will share with you throughout life because, as I promised before, I will ensure that you know YOUR history. The history of this great woman is now in the hands of mommies like me to teach babies like you. We are all connected my baby. In fact just last week I googled the title of this blog just to see what came up and I saw a book of Dr. Angelou’s that I had not read before titled: Letter to my Daughter”. I never had the privilege of meeting Dr. Angelou but I surely took it as a sign that this blog is something I should share…again it was a feeling. Love bug I am going to leave with two things, 1. A promise to share Dr. Angelou’s brilliance with you and 2. Dr. Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman”. There is no way to read this poem and not feel amazing about every inch of you. I hope to hear you one day recite this poem with the excitement and confidence intended to accompany it.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I Love you My phenomenal baby!

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl yet to experience the words of Dr. Maya Angelou start here with this poem then indulge in her wisdom. There’s a bit of the kind of woman she was in each of us and that means you can be just as phenomenal!

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New Beginnings

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Dear Ellie:

New beginnings can be so exciting. In fact its one of the things I love most about seeing you grow up. Everything is so new and exciting to you. Its almost like I get a new beginning too. Holidays this past year because they were your first were just as exciting for me this past year as they were when I was a child. What brings excitement to new beginnings is the freshness of them. So today I want to tell you my baby that it is possible to start fresh. When life throws a curve ball at you or you just find yourself stuck in a routine that you’re not happy with allow your self to move forward and start fresh. The mistakes of your past can turn into quick sand, keeping you stuck in the same pool of guilt and shame, but only if you let them. I’ll tell you a secret: EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES! The key to moving past them is owning up to them. You can’t learn the lesson you were supposed to learn from a mistake if you’re busy trying to bury it. Instead put that energy into a fresh start. Whatever it is keeping you from starting fresh…LET IT GO my baby, for the sake of your sanity LET IT GO. And I don’t mean a superficial saying you don’t care when you really do letting go, I mean a true make peace with the situation and yourself and move forward kind of letting go. Whatever it is that you think is to big to handle its not…you can do this trust me. And whenever you feel like its too much to handle I promise to be here for you to unload on. God didn’t give me the strength to carry you for nothin’ my baby. I promise to hold you up when the world weighs you down and to push you forward toward that fresh start…always.

 

Love You Always,

Mommy

 

P.S. To the girl hiding from herself because she’s embarrassed, ashamed, hurt, or feeling anything else that’s weighing her down I double dog dare you to let it go. Take ownership over your present and future and soon you will realize you hold the rights to your past too. You can’t control what people do or how they feel about you but can take charge of your life and the sooner you do the better. 

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Point of it All

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Dear Ellie:

When Mommy and Daddy got married our wedding song was “Point of it All” by Anthony Hamilton and every time we go to a wedding or hear that song played it brings me back to my wedding day. There was so much love in the room that day and I felt love beaming from the look in Daddy’s eyes as I walked down the aisle. I truly hope that you are able to see and feel love around you because I strongly believe that it’s the point of it all. Life is better when you spend it with people you love, do what you love, and give love. I pray that no matter what, you don’t allow yourself to become so jaded that you loose hope in love. In its purest form, love is the closest we get to heaven on earth. When the winds are blowing and times are tough it’s love that will give you peace and make you remember what’s truly important. If one day you wake up and realize you have put love of whatever kind on the back burner stop and do some reevaluating. I can’t tell you how long any of us have on Earth but I can tell you that love makes how ever long we have worth it. When I’ve had a long day, I’m frustrated, or down there is nothing that picks me up faster than seeing you and Daddy smile. When I think about the sacrifices I make I never have to wonder “what’s the point”. You are the point my baby, a perfect reflection of the love you were created from. I admire how you love so fearlessly in your innocence. What ever it is that will make you happy whether it’s a hug from mommy, a spin from daddy, or “petting” the dog you just go for it. I know life will teach you boundaries and a healthy amount of fear but don’t ever let it stop you from loving because if you’re not using your heart what’s the point?

I love you always my baby

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl (or broken woman) who looked for love to soon or to long in the wrong places it’s ok to stop, reevaluate, and find a way to love yourself again. Start loving yourself and it will flow from there.