Tag Archives: encouragement

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Busy Body

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Dear Ellie:

Whenever people ask me how you’re doing I always say great, growing so fast and, always BUSY! You are always busy figuring things out, learning new words, singing new songs, or finding new ways to make me and Daddy laugh. I love to see you so busy but as you get older busy will take on a different meaning. These days people often wear busy like a badge of honor…the busier you can say you are the more important you must be. It reminds of when I was in elementary school and whenever we had a substitute teacher it meant one of two things either we got to watch a fun movie or we had to do busy work. You see busy work was usually a bunch of worksheets that our teacher would leave just so that we could say we did something that day even though it didn’t serve as big a purpose as other classwork. Truth be told filling your day with things that serve no real over all purpose or that aren’t as important as we may like to think is just like having busy work in school. These things allow us to say we were doing something and that we didn’t just sit around doing nothing (because no one wants to be known as the person who sits around doing nothing). In reality though my baby I want you to know there is nothing wrong with not being “busy”. I used to love to be apart of a million things and now that I’m truly busy, because my job as mommy and wife are both 24/7 lifetime positions and require more of me than anything else I’ve ever been apart of, I’ve learned that “busying” my so called free time just sitting on a couch with your Daddy watching you figure out a toy is the best kind of busy there is. I’d rather be busy doing nothing with the people I love than filling my schedule with things that in all honesty can either wait, be put to the side, or delegated to someone else. It took me years to figure out that I don’t have to do it all and I want to make sure I remind you of that early. You don’t have to play a bunch of sports or participate in a bunch of activities to prove anything. I’d rather you spend your time focused on what you love (and yes its fine to remind me of this when I wake you up at the crack of dawn for dance class). We all need to breathe my baby there is no award being the person that worked the most. Dedicate your time and busy yourself with things that serve you and serve a purpose not just what looks good on a to do list because when you really spend your time doing what you want and not just what makes you busy you won’t need one. I never need a list to remind me to hug you tight, or a reminder to call my mom, or an alarm to tell Daddy I love him and I thank God every day I work in a field where I enjoy what I do so its an extension of my purpose rather than a title that sounds good. And I’m not saying there won’t be times in your life where you will have to busy yourself with things you may not want to do to get to where you’re going but just make sure you’re not just doing the busy work of life but rather you’re really enjoying you life because you don’t get a substitute there’s only one life so fill your time with what makes you happy.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S.: To the girl who always has to be in the mix…make sure you are dedicating yourself to people and things that are dedicated to you. You can’t be busy doing things for people who don’t have a second of time for you. This is your life and you will never get to rewind so choose things now that serve you in a positive way. Spend your free time on things that free you emotionally, physically, and/or mentally not on things that make you feel trapped in a endless cycles of things that you “have” to do.

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Carpe Diem

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Dear Ellie:

One thing that traveling is likely to remind you of is that in life sometimes you have to just go for it. As you will know by the time you read this Mommy is a very picky eater, and that’s putting it mildly; but on my trip to London and South Africa I have eaten fish, ostrich, goat, barracuda, and a few items that I’m not even sure I know the name of (but I drew the line at the caterpillar). My motto every time I ate something new has been “Carpe Diem” (or seize the day) and “When in Rome…Do as the Romans”. But my baby I want to remind you that while you should definitely make the most of every new experience, you don’t have to travel around the world to seize the day. Sometimes seizing the day just means going for your dreams like your Uncle who just published his first book. If you have a dream, which I know you will, you don’t have to wait for some magical sign from the universe saying this is exactly the right time, because that may never come. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and jump. I can’t promise that it will work out perfectly anymore than I can promise that I will eat goat again but I can tell you that you won’t regret it. People who live life to the fullest and make the most of every opportunity rarely speak of regrets because they are to busy appreciating the lessons. As a toddler your confidence is inspiring you see something you want to try and because you don’t have a sense of logic or fear you just go for it; I promise to encourage you to keep that spirit for as long as possible. In life there are certainly healthy fears but my baby you don’t always have to fear the unknown sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and seize the day because a second chance is never a guarantee.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl trying to plan every single moment to be perfect…stop. I’ve learned that life does not work that way. While preparation is certainly important, often there is no better time than the present. So whatever it is that you keep putting off until tomorrow…just go for it. There’s no age requirement for going after your dreams…in fact the world just might be waiting for you to do it. So what ever it is you’re putting off for tomorrow I challenge you to just go for it…it’s your day so seize it!

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Fish & Chips

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Dear Ellie:

Hi my baby! Right now Mommy is half a world away, missing you terribly, but thankfully you are blissfully unaware! I’ve spent the last week traveling to London then onto South Africa. It has been amazing to say the absolute least. While in South Africa I was told an African proverb that states, “the power of the fish is in the water”. It reminded me that it’s not just about what’s inside us and our personal attributes if we are not sure to align ourselves with an environment that allows us to thrive we will suffocate what we were meant to be. A fish can not breathe out of water anymore than you will be able to fit in somewhere that you should stand out. Our environment contributes so much to who we are don’t forget that my baby. If you find yourself in a place that only drains the water out of your fishbowl or the power out of who you are…find a new one. And as you grow and learn you may not always know exactly the right environment for you so I promise that until you can I will do EVERYTHING in my power to ensure that you are in an environment that encourages and nurtures the power within you. And don’t be afraid to explore ; the more you open your eyes the more you can definitively say where you belong and understand the world around you. By going to England before South Africa I was so much more aware of British influence in this country. Life is a continuous cycle of lessons and there’s no bigger teacher than our environment. And my baby if you ever find yourself feeling like a fish out of water look around, take stock, and find where you’re meant to be…find the environment that empowers you not suffocates you.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl feeling trapped in her environment…change it. If you feel like you live in a bad neighborhood volunteer, give back to your community, be the change you want to see. I know you can’t always pick up and leave but you can always take your power back…after all it’s yours!

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Touchy Feely

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Dear Ellie:

This week sports anchor Stephen A. Smith was placed on suspension from his sports talk show because of comments he made regarding a woman not provoking a man to hit her after the spouse of a sports star admitted that an altercation began between herself and her spouse after she hit him. I know by the time you read this society will have long since moved on and forgotten the exact wording Mr. Smith used but I don’t think it was his words that made people upset but more so the overall concept he was discussing. In my eyes the real underlying issue is the culture of violence amongst many low income and/or minority groups. Children who are constantly in defense mode ready to fight whether boy on boy, girl on boy, or girl on girl grow into adults who have yet to learn to how to resolve conflict despite the fact that the playing field is no longer even as one group has the undisputed ability to inflict more harm. Monday through Friday when I leave you in the morning I do so to work with individuals effected by domestic violence something I’m passionate about. And in serving them in different capacities I’ve learned so much that I don’t think I would have been as aware of otherwise so I feel inclined to ensure I have discussions about topics such as these despite the potential for it to be uncomfortable. Through working with adolescent girls I’ve come to realize it is not good enough to just to tell you not to let a man put his hands on you because in reality it’s not really about “letting” anyone do anything. The word let gives the impression that there is some type of choice in the matter as opposed to the reality of someone snatching power away from you. So my baby I promise to not just say don’t let a man put his hands on you but I promise to also talk to you about the signs that come before the literal slap in the face. I also promise not to raise you or allow you to participate in a culture of violence that promotes violent relationships from either side of the coin. Physically fighting your spouse does not make it any less a case of domestic violence nor does it prove anything or make you tough. I saw a video on Facebook today that broke my heart a girl who could’ve been no older than 16 was begging a male peer to hit her while arguing with him as he repeatedly told her to get out of his face (and I don’t say begging based on my opinion of her deserving to be hit because as I’m sure I’ve taught you by now no one deserves it but rather actually asking him to hit her). It broke my heart because I wondered where she learned this and what was going through her head to make her so sure that this boy would hit her, and because I knew that part of her probably thought that if she antagonized him enough to hit her then she would be in control of the situation rather than a victim. I want to make it explicitly clear to you my baby that you do not have to live life like that. Fighting a man does not make you tough, asking for help if he hits you does not make you weak, and being in a relationship where tempers are always flaring and you or your spouse “can’t control yourself” does not make it “real”. You have the right to live life in peace and while Daddy and I provide you with that atmosphere now I know there will come a time, far to soon for my liking, that you will have to make choices that define your lifestyle for yourself. When that time comes remember your worth my baby remember that you are a Queen and align yourself with that image. When I think of Queens I think of a quiet strength one that no one would dare test because they know standards must be met. Love yourself always my baby and set expectations for how the world should treat you but don’t forget to return the favor. It is my hope and sincere prayer that you never get caught in a cycle of violence and in that same prayer I remember your male cousins ( the whole gang of them) and hope that somewhere another Mommy is teaching their daughter to respect the gentlemen they are becoming so that your generation can create the peace that should start in our homes.

Love You Always,
Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who will fight a boy at the drop of a dime or whose intended solution should they ever find themselves in a domestic violence situation is to fight him not just for the moment but for the duration of the relationship…it’s ok to walk away. Feel free to end any relationship, as safely as possible, where you are being disrespected. Allow yourself peace. I have met women who have literally had to fight for their lives…thankfully that is not you. Instead of preparing yourself for a fight that has not yet began reevaluate your standards, set a new plateau and rise above violence. It’s alright to be alone if you can’t be respected. And if you have already found yourself constantly having to fight there is always help even in the darkest hour.

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A Flip of the Hair

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Dear Ellie:

I always knew that when I had a daughter she was pretty much destined for a full thick head of hair and sure enough you came into the world with a gorgeous full head of curls. I can’t predict what the hair trends will be as you grow up but I can promise to help you to always love the hair growing from your head. But I won’t stop there I promise to help you love every part of your natural self. Step 1 in my plan to do that is to be an example for you. It dawned on me when your two front teeth came in that you would have a gap between those teeth just like Mommy a gap that I had been pondering getting closed (for the second time…just a tip if you get braces don’t loose your retainer). Seeing you with the same gap made me change my mind for the same reason that I’ve chosen not to straighten my hair more often…because I want you to grow up with confidence in what God provided you with and I think the best way to do that is to reflect it in myself. So whether you choose to straighten your hair, get braces, wear high heels if you end up with mommy’s height, or anything else be sure you are able to make those choices from a place where you are comfortable with yourself just how you are when you wake up. You are gorgeous my baby from your curly hair strands to your unpainted toe nails anything you add will not increase your beauty only compliment it because you are already created in the most beautiful light. I love you more than I could ever put in words my baby and I hope that love pours out and forms a solid foundation for you to love yourself just as much. And on those days when your curls just won’t behave or you doubt yourself as young girls often do I’ll be here to reassure you until you can find your way back to confidence.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the young girl who thinks she needs anything extra to showcase her beauty you don’t! Certainly one of the most fun parts of being a girl can be playing dress up but before you add the extras remember to stop look in the mirror and tell yourself you beautiful because you truly are enough just as you are God made sure of that!

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My Girl, Your World

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Dear Ellie:

By the time you read this you won’t remember but ever since you were just Ellie in my Bellie your Daddy played songs like My Girl by the Temptations for you. And at least twice a day one of our bear hugs includes me saying “Hi My Baby” and that’s just what you are daddy’s girl and my baby…our precious little girl. I know your presence in our lives is exactly why the recent events that include over 200 girls being taken from a school in Nigeria and some of the kidnapped girls being subsequently sold into “marriage” hit my heart so hard. I don’t know if this event will be included in your school history books especially because unfortunately history books will not always includes stories about girls that look like you, just like the girls who were taken, with brown skin and curly hair. But my baby I promise to always teach you about your world and our history. I hope you take my efforts to do this as a lesson to always search for your own truths and to learn as much about your world as you can. When I say your world I mean the whole globe because it’s right there at your finger tips. You are fortunate to live in a world where information is so readily available to you. So I hope your world view at 5 will be bigger than mine when I first traveled internationally at 20. You are my girl but this is your world and as you explore it I hope you find goodness in it but when you learn of things that will tug at your heart like 100’s of parents crying out for a terrorist group to bring back our girls its then that you should remember this is your world and you can make a difference in it. So whether you choose to be a hands on revolutionist raising your fist against the powers that be, a doctor traveling to the far corners of the earth donating medical services, an educator that inspires future generations, or just someone who cares for others in their time of need be active in your world and never let anyone tell you that your part doesn’t make a difference because we need you and your gift. Learn your history so you can know your truth and explore your world so you can find your place in it.

 

Love You Always My Baby!

Mommy

P.S. Every little girl is important and has a place and purpose in the world. No one can stop you but you. So I pray every night that not only are the girls captured from their school in Nigeria returned but also that they remember they are still here and the world still needs them. So whether a kidnapper or a bully there are cowards in the world don’t let them break you WE NEED YOU!

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Open Letter

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Dear Ellie:

Everyday Mommy thinks of something that I hope I remember to teach you when you’re old enough to understand and every week I work with young girls and I hope I can help them remember life lessons that will help them along their way. So I decided to start a blog to be used as an open letter that you can read when ever you want and can also be shared with daughters around the world. I know that sounds big but that’s my biggest hope for you. DREAM BIG MY BABY!! You can do ANYTHING! By the time you can read this I will probably have told you that 2 million times but I pray you never forget to tell yourself that because the world will constantly throw reminders at you that will suggest that you can’t do something…DON’T BELIEVE IT! I hope my voice will stay in the back of your head telling you to keep going, keep reaching, don’t give up, if you fail it will only make you better the second, third, fourth, time around! But Mommy knows that sometimes disappointment and tough times can drown out the good thoughts so you will always have these letters to get you back on track. Always remember you are my sunshine so keep shining bright!

Love You Always

Mommy

P.S. To other girls reading this the same applies to you. Every girl is special and is someone’s sunshine and if you don’t know whos sunshine you are BE YOUR OWN AND MAKE YOUR OWN LIGHT!!

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