Tag Archives: girl

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Leap of Faith

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Dear Ellie:

I have been meaning to write this letter for weeks. Note to self and to you time never stops flying, which actually leads me into what I want to share with you. Time is an amazing concept it can feel different to people though its the same. For instance I just commented to Daddy that this week came quickly and is moving quickly and he replied that it felt slow to him. We had experienced the same 72 hours yet the perception of them was different. With that being time is an unreliable source at times. We can never be fully sure in many cases when its the “right time” for something. Often we have to pray on it, look for signs in the universe, and hope to God we’re making the right choice. There will also be times that we don’t receive as many signs or a clear enough answer on our prayers (honestly it will likely be most of the time) to feel 100% confident in our choices but time keeps moving and we can’t always put those choices off. In those moments we have to take a leap of faith. Dive head first into a life change, a new job, a completely new avenue for our lives. The older I get the more I find that there is rarely a perfect answer and that’s ok! Some of the decision I have made that made the least sense on paper or felt the most unsteady about because of the “risk” have some how led me here today and if nothing else taught me a lesson I value. Many of the biggest decisions I have made thus far in life I had no real way of knowing how it would all work out; in fact some of them I still don’t know. Marriage for instance is all about faith, putting total faith in someone else. The clearest answer I ever received from God was about whether your Daddy and I were meant to be but that doesn’t mean I know what will come from one day to another only that when I leaped I had enough faith to carry through the good and everything else. Being your mother is the absolute last thing I’d trade in the world but it is a constant leap of faith to do this thing as right as I can for you and to know when to acknowledge when I’m not. All around you in your village I see key people in your life reaching for bigger and better, quitting jobs, carving new paths, trying new things, and I’m so encouraged by those leaps of faith. I hope watching people you have faith in having faith in themselves encourages you and gives you the push you need when its time to leap. Its those leaps that land us on the other side of greatness. So take a deep breath, say a prayer, brace yourself, and leap. Even if you fall sometimes that’s what the leap was really all about.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To the little girl who can’t find the courage or encouragement to go after that dream job, take a chance on herself, or walk away from something unhealthy…YOU CAN DO IT! I don’t promise it’ll be perfect, I don’t know how long the journey will take but I do know that if its on your heart then half of the benefit of leaping is in the knowing and no longer questioning the what if’s. If you’re wondering should I go for it, should I take a chance on myself let this be a resounding YES for you!

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If You Were a Girl

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Dear Ellie:

From the time you were just Ellie in my belly and not fully formed into my Ellie Bellie I knew you were a girl. Once that feeling was confirmed on the giant ultrasound screen at the fancy 3D place on the Northside (that I just had to go to because I couldn’t wait 6 more weeks to confirm my suspicions) there was an even bigger flood of excitement. I knew if you were a girl people would buy you tons of pretty dresses to wear, your grandparents would be over the moon because you’d be the first girl grandchild on both sides of the family, and me and Daddy would name you after our maternal grandmothers as Daddy had suggested years before. Yep, I knew all of this just because you were a girl. But my baby being a girl doesn’t define everything about you, especially when it comes to what some may think they know about you “just because you’re a girl”. Knowing you were a girl didn’t tell me that you’d actually grow to like Nike sweats like daddy wear just as much as you dresses (most times you like them better). Knowing you were a girl also didn’t tell me that you’d like space so much and have early dreams of being an astronaut or that my own idea of being a woman and raising one would be tested. There are a lot of things that just knowing whether or not you were a girl could never tell me. Being a girl is fun, challenging, magical, empowering, draining, and a whole lot of other things all wrapped into one, most times on a daily basis. Society might try to define that for you but you don’t have to let it. There’s nothing wrong with going to the “boys section” to find the cute astronaut hat you would like because for some reason the clothing designer just didn’t think girls would want it. There’s also nothing wrong with loving the fluffy dress that you’ll only wear once. Define your femininity for yourself based off your likes and dislikes, and let it ever evolve. The other morning I caught you staring at me, doing your normal observations, and you said “Mommy why do you like dresses so much”. I gave my take “they’re comfortable”, “I think I look pretty in them”, “This one has pockets!”. I could see your wheels start to turn as they always do and you responded “My sweat suit is comfortable and I look pretty too.” All I could say was, “it sure is and you sure do my baby”. May you always have that much confidence in yourself and be able to take outside reflections of yourself and apply it in a way that feels right for you. I can’t tell you how often you’ll be one of the only girls at space or science camp, what sports you’ll like, or if you’ll continue to hold interest in things like hair and nails. I can tell you though that since the moment I knew you were a girl I knew you’d be strong, smart, beautiful, and that Daddy and I would do our absolute best to give you what you need to face a world that isn’t always kind to little brown girls. Building yourself, and in this case my child, up from the inside out is what makes a strong foundation not what we put on the outside and I hope you always remember that.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl: YOU’RE AMAZING!! So amazing that without us life would cease. I imagine for some that’s scary. Maybe that’s why society tries to project an image that girls are weaker or have to fit in a box. In reality though you can be whoever you want to be! And no matter what has happened in the past, even if you yourself have felt weaker or stuck in a box you can always start anew. You’re a girl, be proud of that, and define that for yourself.

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Super Powers & Kryptonite

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Dear Ellie:

It has been a while since I have posted a letter for you for many reasons my favorite of which being that you grow so much every day and have become my favorite person to talk to besides your Daddy. (How lucky am I to live with my two best friends.) You turned 3 just over a month ago and the things you have learned and concepts you have grasped in that short period amazes me. As you grow and I try to instill in you the values I think are important like kindness, honesty, compassion, and more I love to watch your wheels turn as the idea of you learning these things goes from abstract to every day occurrences. In trying to teach you these things I have learned so much about myself, largely because you imitate me so well that I can’t help but to say “Welp I know where she got that from…Me!.” Which is just as often a good thing as a not so good thing, but it always inspires me to grow. Being your mother has both given me the most joy and caused the most self doubt that I have experienced in my life thus far because no role has ever held so much importance. There are times that no matter what I do I have no control over the outcome of the situation, which is of course a part of life that everyone must cope with but there is something that cuts deep about not being able to make a cold go away, or having to learn to be patient when I see your shyness take over because I just want the world to see the light beam from you like I do, or worse trying to help you to navigate the loss of our dog who in your world was your best friend in so many ways. To be honest grief is not a road I expected to navigate with you at the age of 3 and yet here we are. It is in these moments that I have to be still and try to remind myself that some days we can only do the best we can and some how try to be satisfied with that even if it does not bring about the outcome we want. Being a mother has made grasping that concept in other facets of my life much easier because nothing compares to drive I have to do the best I can with you. If I can face the tough stuff with you like having to tell you no when you ask can I bring your dog back or keep my calm when you break into an unprovoked tantrum; then my baby there is nothing that I can’t handle. So in a way you have helped me to discover a new level to my own Black Girl Magic and in others you remind me that I’m not super human. You too will have moments that ground you and make you realize some things are simply out of our control…AND THAT’S OKAY! I hope you meet these moments with grace and self confidence because it is not these moments that define you it is how you continue to rise to the occasion. THAT is where our magic lies. If you can see past what you perceive to be failures and push through in spite of them, as well as because of them, you have already won the battle that you thought you didn’t have the weapons to fight. I also pray that you are able to see the reminders of your strength around you when you can’t find the voice inside yourself that tells you. You my baby are that reminder for me, constant and pure. We were at a museum about a week ago and as you drew pictures of creatures with super powers at a children’s exhibit you named several that you had created in your mind after me and Daddy. When I asked what the “Mommy” creature’s power was you simply said “listening to me” with out even looking up from your next drawing. Little did you know that moment to me was the equivalent of kryptonite being lifted off Superman. I was worried because you had seen so many people playing with their dogs, and your were likely to start running a fever because I knew you had caught some germs but in that moment I realized I was doing the best I could for you just to be present. So my baby remember hard times will come, obstacles will trip you up, and there will be times that you question yourself and your path but NEVER question who you are! Surround yourself with people who remind you of your strength and beauty (inside and out) but don’t rely on them, trust yourself to be able to shake off the specks of kryptonite that may fall on you because your superpowers can never be defeated.

 

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl (and every little girl inside a grown woman) that finds herself in a place of uncertainty know that it can and will be ok. Uncertainty does not have to equal defeat; it can be the catalyst to push you to work harder for your goal. It’s your choice. In moments when you feel you can not succeed examine how hard you have worked and give yourself credit. There is nothing wrong with self reflection, be honest but also be kind with yourself. Even super heroes have weaknesses, but that does negate their power and your weakness can not stop your power either!

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Fresh Start

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Dear Ellie:

We are 2 weeks into 2015 and I must say, even though it can be cliché, I have always been a fan of the idea of a new year. As I’m sure you will quickly find out I am a fan of most holidays, and celebrating in general, but celebrating a New Year may just be in my top 3 holidays. For many people the new year is synonymous with a fresh start and a new beginning. And even though you don’t have to wait until January 1st to act on the things you want to improve I applaud anyone who chooses to move in a positive direction, whichever day they choose. I think another reason I’ve always enjoyed the new year holiday, especially as an adult, is because its one holiday that we celebrate that isn’t dominated by the idea of gifts. So the combination of positive energy as people feel inspired about change and the lack of materialistic distractions makes it an awesome time of year in my opinion. But my baby you do not have to wait for January to start fresh and December will not always be the end of a journey. Everyone’s chapters in life are written at different lengths and most times it is left up to us to decide when to start a new one. There will also be times when God will move so definitively in an area of your life that there is no denying that it is the end of the era for something. During those times I truly hope you listen to whatever place inside you is telling what you know is right because there will be times you have to either listen to your head, heart, or gut. I think deep down though we always know which is best we just get better at choosing it as our story continues particularly when what you want is not what’s “best”. It is during those times that you just have to have faith that when you turn the page the story will only get better even if not right away. And if nothing else be glad that it continues. I can honestly say that of the chapters I’ve had so far in life none have been my favorite. I have appreciated and enjoyed them all for different reasons and I could never choose a favorite because they aren’t comparable with each being different, important, and connected in its own right. Imagine reading your favorite book; you may have a part you like but it would make no sense with out everything that came before it and that’s how I feel about life. Fresh starts can be both exciting and scary but in the end its all about faith and working toward the direction you’ve chosen to go in. In life we don’t always get a magical midnight kiss that sets up the new day as perfect for change. In reality sometimes you just have to start where you are, hope for the best, and appreciate your journey.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. – To the girl waiting for the perfect moment to start fresh…its here. In fact its always here. You don’t have to wait to be better; the timing is always perfect to improve. Even if you only make baby steps in the direction you want to go its better than running in place. Take a chance on you and have faith in yourself. If you’ve been given the vision for something believe me that’s only the tip of the iceberg everything you need to achieve your goals is right below the surface.

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Judge and Jury

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Dear Ellie:

I truly hope you grow up to be able to continuously greet new situations with a fresh take and that you don’t grow cynical after life takes a turn that you’ll find yourself unhappy with, because there will be a lot of turns like that. I will do my best to show you how not to be judgmental of people because you truly never know how many unfortunate turns that person’s life has taken before your paths cross. However, I don’t want you to be naïve either. Being able to judge people and situations is a fine art love bug and one that can take time to master; and quite frankly as a black woman it will be essential. Maya Angelou said once “When people show you who you are believe them; the first time”. It will serve you well to remember that one because sometimes we want to believe the best in people even when faced with overwhelming evidence that a person or situation is not who or what we hoped it would be. And trust me when I say my baby that its ok…no disappointment is in vein if we can find the lesson in it. But you have to take honest inventory of those around us because if they are not contributing to the greater good in your life then why are they still there. It would be wonderful if I could send you out into the world knowing that everyone loved you as much as I did and everyone would care for you like Daddy, but the truth of the matter is that despite the billions of people in the world a miniscule amount of them will truly be good for you. That doesn’t mean though that people can’t have their good moments or that positivity can’t be found in negative situations; you just have to learn how to judge for yourself what your limits should be with certain people and situations. In this world no matter the goodness of your intent you can be turned into a villain or a hero depending on who tells your story. If you were old enough right now to travel to St. Louis County, Missouri you could find yourself in two worlds based upon who you asked to tell you what was going on. Its unfortunate that we will never truly know what happened between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson but I do know that the decision to bring Mr. Wilson to trial or not was not decided by a jury of Mike Brown’s peers and those who wish to can judge him as a “thug” who placed himself in the position to be killed. I also know that Mike Brown will never tell his version of what happened. But you my baby are apart of a generation that will have unlimited access to media and information and it will be your generation that has to use their better judgment when deciding what battles should be fought and who should fight them. Take a honest look at people my baby because not everyone will be here for your betterment and that’s not about being judgmental but rather judging character. It is character that defines a person’s actions when they are left to decide them for themselves, that drives a person’s motives, or that writes post on social media when you don’t have to say what you think aloud to anyone’s face, and its character that shows you who a person really is. So please my baby by all means see the world, be open to new experiences, and don’t judge every book by its cover but when the first chapter is filled with hatred, lies, and other disgusting parts of humanities that I hope you never have to experience (even when I know its inevitable) then at that point its ok to say I see who you are. Be your own judge and jury because this is your life, your rights, your future, etc. and you haven’t been granted the privilege of allowing someone else to protect them.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl reading this. I wish you lived in a society that wouldn’t judge you or place you in a box for your past transgression but this is the world we live in. A world where we have unlimited access to your past and it can be used in anyway seen fit depending on the person. Everyone is not to be trusted and every situation will not have a positive outcome. That doesn’t make you powerless though. Being a good judge of character and understanding the direction you want your life to go in doesn’t make you judgmental or mean that your pessimistic. Walk in your own light and let it be know that anyone or anything that attempts to dim that light won’t be tolerated any longer.

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Unplug

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Dear Ellie:

I want to thank you for taking my phone for a swim in Harvey’s water bowl yesterday. Because you did, and because I also left my bag with my laptop and iPad when I picked you up after work, I was with out all of my technology devices. I use those items to take pictures of you and share them with loved ones, check email, text people, scroll through social media when I should be studying, and when I’m finally able to focus write papers and read articles for my dissertation. You were born into a world where technology has become an extension of the human race. It’s apart of almost everything. And don’t get me wrong I love technology but today you reminded me to unplug and tap into the simple things…the realllllly simple things like turning the tv by hand, because I usually use an app on my phone. By the time you grow up there’s really no telling where technology will be but wherever it’s at give yourself time to tune in to real life not social media or apps on a phone but just regular old singing songs cause you can’t turn on pandora real life. My baby you will quickly see that’s it’s the things that don’t change that really matter. Reserve time for your own quiet moments, they will quickly become pieces of gold when life starts to move too fast. And it’s ok to turn off the email, text messages, etc those who really need you will find you and those who don’t…well they will still be there in the morning. I promise you the world will not go up in flames because a work email that comes through Sunday night goes unanswered until office hours. And if life is still simple when you read this that cute boy can wait for a call back too. Everyone doesn’t need immediate and constant access to you. Take time to remember what’s really important. I’m so grateful that thanks to you I always will.

Love you always,

Mommy

P.S. To the girl that is the first to sign up for every social media site have fun but don’t forget the power we give technology. Technology owns every piece of information we give it and it can never really be erased. Ask yourself do you reallllllly want technology to own your every emotion, thought, and picture, that you’ll hate of yourself by this time next week anyway,…if the answer is no then keep it for yourself or your friends…everything isn’t for everyone.

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Hear it, see it, speak it

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Dear Ellie:

There’s a saying that goes hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. I never really put much thought into it until earlier when I thought about the opposite hear good, see good, speak good. I realized then that it’s just another way of saying, something I’m sure you will have heard me say by now, the power of life and death is in the tongue. No matter how small or overwhelmed you may feel you have the power to change your situation by changing your outlook. Speak life into whatever it is that you feel is failing. But my baby before you do that be still and listen, make sure you are hearing what’s really intended for your life when you ask for guidance. There will be times that you will focus on something you think you want so badly that you will rush to speak life into something that was meant to be left in the dust. Which is why it’s so important not to skip the first step “hearing”. You also have to see good for yourself. When you feel far away from your goals you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and see yourself already there. Don’t wait until you’ve “made it” to see yourself there. Your outlook of your journey to success will be much different (not easier but different) if you picture yourself as already successful. There’s power in viewing something as a lesson instead of a set back. So whether you write it down, talk to yourself in the mirror, or anything else you have to visualize the good. Then my baby you definitely have to SPEAK good into your life. You can speak the impossible into reality if you just have faith. More than that though be sure you surround yourself who speak good for you to hear, who you see as good in your life, and who speak life into you (when you’re around and when you’re not) and be sure you do the same for them. Your uncle or Khalu as you probably call him by now spoke such positive energy and life into my idea of starting this blog for you and it’s moments and people like that will help you to press forward when don’t think you have it in you. Faith, will, and determination are stronger than any obstacle that will be thrown your way because it helps you to keep your joy. Combine that with support and you are unstoppable my baby. So when those obstacles pop up, as they always will, take a pause and remember to hear, see, and speak the good you want in your life my baby.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl feeling lost, alone, set back, or like a failure….you’re not any of those things. I full heartedly believe that you are always exactly where you are supposed to be and if you’re not where you want to be then focusing on the problem will not move you forward. Speak life where you thought your goals, dignity, self respect, or dreams had died. You can do it just believe it!

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Point of it All

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Dear Ellie:

When Mommy and Daddy got married our wedding song was “Point of it All” by Anthony Hamilton and every time we go to a wedding or hear that song played it brings me back to my wedding day. There was so much love in the room that day and I felt love beaming from the look in Daddy’s eyes as I walked down the aisle. I truly hope that you are able to see and feel love around you because I strongly believe that it’s the point of it all. Life is better when you spend it with people you love, do what you love, and give love. I pray that no matter what, you don’t allow yourself to become so jaded that you loose hope in love. In its purest form, love is the closest we get to heaven on earth. When the winds are blowing and times are tough it’s love that will give you peace and make you remember what’s truly important. If one day you wake up and realize you have put love of whatever kind on the back burner stop and do some reevaluating. I can’t tell you how long any of us have on Earth but I can tell you that love makes how ever long we have worth it. When I’ve had a long day, I’m frustrated, or down there is nothing that picks me up faster than seeing you and Daddy smile. When I think about the sacrifices I make I never have to wonder “what’s the point”. You are the point my baby, a perfect reflection of the love you were created from. I admire how you love so fearlessly in your innocence. What ever it is that will make you happy whether it’s a hug from mommy, a spin from daddy, or “petting” the dog you just go for it. I know life will teach you boundaries and a healthy amount of fear but don’t ever let it stop you from loving because if you’re not using your heart what’s the point?

I love you always my baby

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl (or broken woman) who looked for love to soon or to long in the wrong places it’s ok to stop, reevaluate, and find a way to love yourself again. Start loving yourself and it will flow from there.

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Have a Seat

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Dear Ellie:

Today Daddy and I were stuck in what felt like stand still traffic for about 30 minutes. We had no choice but to just sit and wait for our turn to move. It reminded me that sometimes in life you too my baby will have to sit and wait. But I hope you realize during those times when it feels like you’re going no where things are always working around you and there are always things to be grateful for whether it’s that you have a good working vehicle to sit in, a healthy body to wait with or that you have someone who loves you to help pass the time. Remember you can always make the choice to focus on the good. There is good to be found in the times of waiting it is during those times we learn and exercise patience which is truly a blessing. If you are impatient you can rush in to a place that you didn’t intend to end up at. Be patient my baby there is a reason you are waiting and you have to have faith in that even during the times when it’s not your place to know why you’re waiting (which is most of the time). Sometimes once you get past your road block you’ll see it was wreck thar you were saved from or construction where something had to be worked on to possibly make the road easier in the future and then sometimes my baby you will break through traffic and feel like there was traffic for no reason at all but there’s always a reason so just be grateful for the break through. Just continue to focus on your destination and you will arrive exactly when you are supposed to trust me. I promise to never let you wait alone just keep moving my baby the road may be long but you will make it!

Love you always

Mommy

P.S. The same goes for every girl wondering when it will be her time. It’s always your time whether it’s your time to prepare yourself or your time in the spotlight each phase is important so you’re never really stuck even though it feels that way just focus on the positive and keep pushing soon enough the traffic will clear and you will press forward!

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A Flip of the Hair

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Dear Ellie:

I always knew that when I had a daughter she was pretty much destined for a full thick head of hair and sure enough you came into the world with a gorgeous full head of curls. I can’t predict what the hair trends will be as you grow up but I can promise to help you to always love the hair growing from your head. But I won’t stop there I promise to help you love every part of your natural self. Step 1 in my plan to do that is to be an example for you. It dawned on me when your two front teeth came in that you would have a gap between those teeth just like Mommy a gap that I had been pondering getting closed (for the second time…just a tip if you get braces don’t loose your retainer). Seeing you with the same gap made me change my mind for the same reason that I’ve chosen not to straighten my hair more often…because I want you to grow up with confidence in what God provided you with and I think the best way to do that is to reflect it in myself. So whether you choose to straighten your hair, get braces, wear high heels if you end up with mommy’s height, or anything else be sure you are able to make those choices from a place where you are comfortable with yourself just how you are when you wake up. You are gorgeous my baby from your curly hair strands to your unpainted toe nails anything you add will not increase your beauty only compliment it because you are already created in the most beautiful light. I love you more than I could ever put in words my baby and I hope that love pours out and forms a solid foundation for you to love yourself just as much. And on those days when your curls just won’t behave or you doubt yourself as young girls often do I’ll be here to reassure you until you can find your way back to confidence.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the young girl who thinks she needs anything extra to showcase her beauty you don’t! Certainly one of the most fun parts of being a girl can be playing dress up but before you add the extras remember to stop look in the mirror and tell yourself you beautiful because you truly are enough just as you are God made sure of that!