Tag Archives: girls

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Leap of Faith

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Dear Ellie:

I have been meaning to write this letter for weeks. Note to self and to you time never stops flying, which actually leads me into what I want to share with you. Time is an amazing concept it can feel different to people though its the same. For instance I just commented to Daddy that this week came quickly and is moving quickly and he replied that it felt slow to him. We had experienced the same 72 hours yet the perception of them was different. With that being time is an unreliable source at times. We can never be fully sure in many cases when its the “right time” for something. Often we have to pray on it, look for signs in the universe, and hope to God we’re making the right choice. There will also be times that we don’t receive as many signs or a clear enough answer on our prayers (honestly it will likely be most of the time) to feel 100% confident in our choices but time keeps moving and we can’t always put those choices off. In those moments we have to take a leap of faith. Dive head first into a life change, a new job, a completely new avenue for our lives. The older I get the more I find that there is rarely a perfect answer and that’s ok! Some of the decision I have made that made the least sense on paper or felt the most unsteady about because of the “risk” have some how led me here today and if nothing else taught me a lesson I value. Many of the biggest decisions I have made thus far in life I had no real way of knowing how it would all work out; in fact some of them I still don’t know. Marriage for instance is all about faith, putting total faith in someone else. The clearest answer I ever received from God was about whether your Daddy and I were meant to be but that doesn’t mean I know what will come from one day to another only that when I leaped I had enough faith to carry through the good and everything else. Being your mother is the absolute last thing I’d trade in the world but it is a constant leap of faith to do this thing as right as I can for you and to know when to acknowledge when I’m not. All around you in your village I see key people in your life reaching for bigger and better, quitting jobs, carving new paths, trying new things, and I’m so encouraged by those leaps of faith. I hope watching people you have faith in having faith in themselves encourages you and gives you the push you need when its time to leap. Its those leaps that land us on the other side of greatness. So take a deep breath, say a prayer, brace yourself, and leap. Even if you fall sometimes that’s what the leap was really all about.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To the little girl who can’t find the courage or encouragement to go after that dream job, take a chance on herself, or walk away from something unhealthy…YOU CAN DO IT! I don’t promise it’ll be perfect, I don’t know how long the journey will take but I do know that if its on your heart then half of the benefit of leaping is in the knowing and no longer questioning the what if’s. If you’re wondering should I go for it, should I take a chance on myself let this be a resounding YES for you!

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Definition of Self

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Dear Ellie:

Its the second day of Kwanzaa for 2017, also known as Kujichagulia…also also known as my favorite day of Kwanzaa because it was so fun to say as a kid (I dare you to say it without smiling). Kujichagulia means self determination and represents defining ourselves, naming ourselves, creating for ourselves, and speaking for ourselves. One of the things I love most about Kwanzaa, and Kujichagulia in particular, is that the principles are things I try to instill in you on a daily basis so I always feel good ending our year really highlighting things like unity, self determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith. I hope as you grow that these things become more than just a candle you light in the time between Christmas and the New Year and rather things that guide you. I can already see it shining in you. Your Kujichagulia is alive and well. Of course you have moments when Daddy and I have to remind you not to give up but I can see your determination in the quiet moments when you think we’re not looking. I see you naming yourself when someone tries to give you a nickname like Lizzie and you put your foot down and tell them (week after week in gymnastics class) “That’s not my name! Its Elizabeth or Ellie!”. It may seem like a small thing but it makes me proud every time because what I see watching from the sideline is you refusing to be moved or called by something you don’t want to answer to. I see you creating for yourself in every craft that you do and story that you tell. One of my prayers for you on your life long journey to define yourself is that whatever that definition may be and however it may change that it will be one you are secure with and that you are able to speak it for yourself when you’re ready. For now Daddy and I, as well as your village, speak life in to you. We remind you that you are amazing, brilliant, beautiful, caring, and capable of marvelous things. We named you after two of the best women we have ever known and I hope you carry that with you and always take pride in it. Continue to stand firm on who you are whether someone tries to call you Lizzie or something flat out vulgar. Answer only to what you feel speaks to who you are called to be. Your Kalu said something at his recent Flowers for the Living show that I hope you took in (but if not here I am to remind you): “My greatest weapon is my belief in myself”. Believe in yourself and remember the true definition of you. When you stand strong in that no one can move you; they can either accept your greatness or move in another direction. Your Kujichagulia is a powerful magnet it can both attract those you align with and repel those you do not. Embrace it and embrace yourself.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl, whether you celebrate Kwanzaa or not, find your Kujichagulia. Its there inside of you even when you want to give up. Our Kujichagulia is what pushes us to try just one more time and even what gets us out of the bed sometimes against all odds. Your Kujichagulia can also be what takes you to the next level you’ve been dreaming about and what helps you say “No!” to those who would attempt to define you as something you’re not. Find your Kujichagulia and never let it go!

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If You Were a Girl

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Dear Ellie:

From the time you were just Ellie in my belly and not fully formed into my Ellie Bellie I knew you were a girl. Once that feeling was confirmed on the giant ultrasound screen at the fancy 3D place on the Northside (that I just had to go to because I couldn’t wait 6 more weeks to confirm my suspicions) there was an even bigger flood of excitement. I knew if you were a girl people would buy you tons of pretty dresses to wear, your grandparents would be over the moon because you’d be the first girl grandchild on both sides of the family, and me and Daddy would name you after our maternal grandmothers as Daddy had suggested years before. Yep, I knew all of this just because you were a girl. But my baby being a girl doesn’t define everything about you, especially when it comes to what some may think they know about you “just because you’re a girl”. Knowing you were a girl didn’t tell me that you’d actually grow to like Nike sweats like daddy wear just as much as you dresses (most times you like them better). Knowing you were a girl also didn’t tell me that you’d like space so much and have early dreams of being an astronaut or that my own idea of being a woman and raising one would be tested. There are a lot of things that just knowing whether or not you were a girl could never tell me. Being a girl is fun, challenging, magical, empowering, draining, and a whole lot of other things all wrapped into one, most times on a daily basis. Society might try to define that for you but you don’t have to let it. There’s nothing wrong with going to the “boys section” to find the cute astronaut hat you would like because for some reason the clothing designer just didn’t think girls would want it. There’s also nothing wrong with loving the fluffy dress that you’ll only wear once. Define your femininity for yourself based off your likes and dislikes, and let it ever evolve. The other morning I caught you staring at me, doing your normal observations, and you said “Mommy why do you like dresses so much”. I gave my take “they’re comfortable”, “I think I look pretty in them”, “This one has pockets!”. I could see your wheels start to turn as they always do and you responded “My sweat suit is comfortable and I look pretty too.” All I could say was, “it sure is and you sure do my baby”. May you always have that much confidence in yourself and be able to take outside reflections of yourself and apply it in a way that feels right for you. I can’t tell you how often you’ll be one of the only girls at space or science camp, what sports you’ll like, or if you’ll continue to hold interest in things like hair and nails. I can tell you though that since the moment I knew you were a girl I knew you’d be strong, smart, beautiful, and that Daddy and I would do our absolute best to give you what you need to face a world that isn’t always kind to little brown girls. Building yourself, and in this case my child, up from the inside out is what makes a strong foundation not what we put on the outside and I hope you always remember that.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl: YOU’RE AMAZING!! So amazing that without us life would cease. I imagine for some that’s scary. Maybe that’s why society tries to project an image that girls are weaker or have to fit in a box. In reality though you can be whoever you want to be! And no matter what has happened in the past, even if you yourself have felt weaker or stuck in a box you can always start anew. You’re a girl, be proud of that, and define that for yourself.

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Growing Pains

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Dear Ellie:

It seems the older you get and the more you are able to receive these lessons in person the less I post. I was reminded recently though that we all sometimes need a reminder of who we are and what our strengths are. My hope is still that you will one day look back and read these letters, along with any other girl who may need them, and have a constant reminder of who you are and how strong, bold, and beautiful you have the right to be.

With that said my baby you are 4 years old now!! I’m not really sure where time went because just yesterday I was walking around having conversations with you in my belly. You had your yearly check up today and its undeniable how fast you are growing. (As if me and Daddy didn’t already know that judging by how you’ve already out grown half your summer wardrobe.) I remember saying to you one night after you got out the tub when you asked to be carried to your room, as you usually do, “Not tonight love bug you’re getting to big. You’re getting so heavy.” You walked to your room but must have thought about it all night because the next day you said, “Mommy I don’t want to get bigger. I don’t want to be a big girl.” I didn’t understand the connection then but I soon was able to put 2 and 2 together. Growing and changing can be a scary and certainly unfamiliar thing. I want you to remember though my baby that there is often a lesson worth learning and new abilities on the other side of that growth. Whenever I’m asked how me and Daddy knew we wanted to marry each other I usually reflect on the growing we did together from ages 18-25 (me) and 20-27 (Daddy) a lot of change and growth and also some not so great decision making and selfish choices happens during those years and if we could handle that we knew we could handle anything. Yes, sometimes growing up means letting go of what we are used to but my baby I guarantee you if you don’t let go of those things there will never be room for anything new. Its not always fun for me either trying to snuggle you and realizing your legs are far too long now to fit all the way on my lap anymore when you were just my little tiny baby. But, now I can race you around the track and watch you jump hurdles with Daddy, we are starting to read your bedtime stories together instead of just me, I can see your wheels turning in your head as you learn new things everyday, there is so much that I enjoy (and struggle with) during this phase of raising you and I’m learning to cherish every bit of it. I try to remind myself of these things when it feels like you’re getting bigger by the minute and I just want my baby back. Its a delicate balance to appreciate your memories, live in the moment, and work toward the future all at the same time but that’s life my baby. We learn, we change, and if we’re lucky we continue to grow even when our bodies stop. Don’t shy away from growing, enjoy the process, learn the lessons, and one day look back and appreciate where you started. I also want you to remember even when you physically “too big or too heavy” for me to carry, I will always be here to put your hopes, dreams, and ambitions on my back when they seem too burdensome for you. You will never be able to outgrow being my baby.

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To the little girl either rushing to grow or staying in spot that not allowing her to grow as she should. Be comfortable with your growth. Don’t rush out of one phase because you think there something better at the next step. Life comes at you fast and if you take your time and build the tools you need for each phase you will soon find yourself ill prepared for where you have rushed yourself to be. We also cannot allow ourselves to stay stagnant out of fear. Neither of these options help you to truly grow into who you are capable of being. Cherish the moments, learn from the pain, and accept that your growth process is completely unique and that’s ok! Growth is necessary embrace it in your own time.

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Finding Figures

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Dear Ellie:
There’s a frequently used African proverb that states it takes a village to raise a child. I’ve heard that proverb a million times, and by the time you’re able to read this you probably will have heard it a million times too. I am just realizing that with our work being so connected, thanks to technology, that village is no longer just our elders, neighbors, friends, teachers etc. It’s not just the people who have held you, come to visit you, or welcomed you into this world. No, my baby, I realized today that the village is bigger than that. It’s the figures you see on the screen, the images you read about in your books, and people you learn about in museums. I realized today, as I watched you watch the movie Hidden Figures, that I was watching you see yourself in a little girl who liked shapes. At the same time I was seeing myself in a mom who just wanted the best for her child; a child with a gift for much more than shapes. And while you may never meet Taraji, Janelle, or Octavia who played the three main characters in the movie, they had an impact on you today that I can’t deny. I can however promise to continue to do my best to find figures for you outside of myself to add to your village that you can see a piece of yourself in. I want you to see the beauty, good, honesty, curiousity, perseverance, fortitude, ability, and so much more in yourself; starting by seeing it in other people. And while I strive every day to be the best example for you to watch the greatness in you is so large that it would be a disservice to pretend that I’m all you need. You are at a critical point in life where you are creating an image of yourself in a carefree way because you don’t even realize you’re doing it; but I do. I see your wheels turn when you watch Simone flip, when you see Chloe of Syncopated Ladies tap dance, or listen to Michele speak. It’s the same wheels that turn when you watch your Aunty Charisma sing, watch your Grammy garden, your Yeye baking, or see a picture of your GodMommy Kristin in her white Doctors coat. Every time those wheels turn the picture of yourself in your head gets a little clearer and a little stronger. I want you to know that you are connected to all these images that light a spark in you from the drive you read about in your new favorite book about Wilma Rudolph to the beauty in mommy’s natural hair that curls tight like yours. The ease of access to images in this world can be intimidating as a parent, but I choose to use it to show you the best, to build a digital village for you that is encouraging and inspiring. I choose to find figures for you that make you proud, make you want more, make you think, and make you smile. I don’t know if your dream of going to outer space will be temporary or if it will shoot you past the stars but I do know that you will never find it hard to imagine yourself there or anywhere else you want to go, and I’m thankful for everyone behind movies like Hidden Figures that tell stories that you see yourself in until you can write your own. 

Love you always, 

Mommy

P.S. – To the little girl looking for herself but can’t find the positive…surround yourself with those who exhibit the qualities you wish to have. Even if it’s just following nothing but positive people on social media you may see sooner than you think that you fit right in with the village you build for yourself.

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Super Powers & Kryptonite

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Dear Ellie:

It has been a while since I have posted a letter for you for many reasons my favorite of which being that you grow so much every day and have become my favorite person to talk to besides your Daddy. (How lucky am I to live with my two best friends.) You turned 3 just over a month ago and the things you have learned and concepts you have grasped in that short period amazes me. As you grow and I try to instill in you the values I think are important like kindness, honesty, compassion, and more I love to watch your wheels turn as the idea of you learning these things goes from abstract to every day occurrences. In trying to teach you these things I have learned so much about myself, largely because you imitate me so well that I can’t help but to say “Welp I know where she got that from…Me!.” Which is just as often a good thing as a not so good thing, but it always inspires me to grow. Being your mother has both given me the most joy and caused the most self doubt that I have experienced in my life thus far because no role has ever held so much importance. There are times that no matter what I do I have no control over the outcome of the situation, which is of course a part of life that everyone must cope with but there is something that cuts deep about not being able to make a cold go away, or having to learn to be patient when I see your shyness take over because I just want the world to see the light beam from you like I do, or worse trying to help you to navigate the loss of our dog who in your world was your best friend in so many ways. To be honest grief is not a road I expected to navigate with you at the age of 3 and yet here we are. It is in these moments that I have to be still and try to remind myself that some days we can only do the best we can and some how try to be satisfied with that even if it does not bring about the outcome we want. Being a mother has made grasping that concept in other facets of my life much easier because nothing compares to drive I have to do the best I can with you. If I can face the tough stuff with you like having to tell you no when you ask can I bring your dog back or keep my calm when you break into an unprovoked tantrum; then my baby there is nothing that I can’t handle. So in a way you have helped me to discover a new level to my own Black Girl Magic and in others you remind me that I’m not super human. You too will have moments that ground you and make you realize some things are simply out of our control…AND THAT’S OKAY! I hope you meet these moments with grace and self confidence because it is not these moments that define you it is how you continue to rise to the occasion. THAT is where our magic lies. If you can see past what you perceive to be failures and push through in spite of them, as well as because of them, you have already won the battle that you thought you didn’t have the weapons to fight. I also pray that you are able to see the reminders of your strength around you when you can’t find the voice inside yourself that tells you. You my baby are that reminder for me, constant and pure. We were at a museum about a week ago and as you drew pictures of creatures with super powers at a children’s exhibit you named several that you had created in your mind after me and Daddy. When I asked what the “Mommy” creature’s power was you simply said “listening to me” with out even looking up from your next drawing. Little did you know that moment to me was the equivalent of kryptonite being lifted off Superman. I was worried because you had seen so many people playing with their dogs, and your were likely to start running a fever because I knew you had caught some germs but in that moment I realized I was doing the best I could for you just to be present. So my baby remember hard times will come, obstacles will trip you up, and there will be times that you question yourself and your path but NEVER question who you are! Surround yourself with people who remind you of your strength and beauty (inside and out) but don’t rely on them, trust yourself to be able to shake off the specks of kryptonite that may fall on you because your superpowers can never be defeated.

 

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S.- To every little girl (and every little girl inside a grown woman) that finds herself in a place of uncertainty know that it can and will be ok. Uncertainty does not have to equal defeat; it can be the catalyst to push you to work harder for your goal. It’s your choice. In moments when you feel you can not succeed examine how hard you have worked and give yourself credit. There is nothing wrong with self reflection, be honest but also be kind with yourself. Even super heroes have weaknesses, but that does negate their power and your weakness can not stop your power either!

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Judge and Jury

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Dear Ellie:

I truly hope you grow up to be able to continuously greet new situations with a fresh take and that you don’t grow cynical after life takes a turn that you’ll find yourself unhappy with, because there will be a lot of turns like that. I will do my best to show you how not to be judgmental of people because you truly never know how many unfortunate turns that person’s life has taken before your paths cross. However, I don’t want you to be naïve either. Being able to judge people and situations is a fine art love bug and one that can take time to master; and quite frankly as a black woman it will be essential. Maya Angelou said once “When people show you who you are believe them; the first time”. It will serve you well to remember that one because sometimes we want to believe the best in people even when faced with overwhelming evidence that a person or situation is not who or what we hoped it would be. And trust me when I say my baby that its ok…no disappointment is in vein if we can find the lesson in it. But you have to take honest inventory of those around us because if they are not contributing to the greater good in your life then why are they still there. It would be wonderful if I could send you out into the world knowing that everyone loved you as much as I did and everyone would care for you like Daddy, but the truth of the matter is that despite the billions of people in the world a miniscule amount of them will truly be good for you. That doesn’t mean though that people can’t have their good moments or that positivity can’t be found in negative situations; you just have to learn how to judge for yourself what your limits should be with certain people and situations. In this world no matter the goodness of your intent you can be turned into a villain or a hero depending on who tells your story. If you were old enough right now to travel to St. Louis County, Missouri you could find yourself in two worlds based upon who you asked to tell you what was going on. Its unfortunate that we will never truly know what happened between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson but I do know that the decision to bring Mr. Wilson to trial or not was not decided by a jury of Mike Brown’s peers and those who wish to can judge him as a “thug” who placed himself in the position to be killed. I also know that Mike Brown will never tell his version of what happened. But you my baby are apart of a generation that will have unlimited access to media and information and it will be your generation that has to use their better judgment when deciding what battles should be fought and who should fight them. Take a honest look at people my baby because not everyone will be here for your betterment and that’s not about being judgmental but rather judging character. It is character that defines a person’s actions when they are left to decide them for themselves, that drives a person’s motives, or that writes post on social media when you don’t have to say what you think aloud to anyone’s face, and its character that shows you who a person really is. So please my baby by all means see the world, be open to new experiences, and don’t judge every book by its cover but when the first chapter is filled with hatred, lies, and other disgusting parts of humanities that I hope you never have to experience (even when I know its inevitable) then at that point its ok to say I see who you are. Be your own judge and jury because this is your life, your rights, your future, etc. and you haven’t been granted the privilege of allowing someone else to protect them.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl reading this. I wish you lived in a society that wouldn’t judge you or place you in a box for your past transgression but this is the world we live in. A world where we have unlimited access to your past and it can be used in anyway seen fit depending on the person. Everyone is not to be trusted and every situation will not have a positive outcome. That doesn’t make you powerless though. Being a good judge of character and understanding the direction you want your life to go in doesn’t make you judgmental or mean that your pessimistic. Walk in your own light and let it be know that anyone or anything that attempts to dim that light won’t be tolerated any longer.

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Busy Body

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Dear Ellie:

Whenever people ask me how you’re doing I always say great, growing so fast and, always BUSY! You are always busy figuring things out, learning new words, singing new songs, or finding new ways to make me and Daddy laugh. I love to see you so busy but as you get older busy will take on a different meaning. These days people often wear busy like a badge of honor…the busier you can say you are the more important you must be. It reminds of when I was in elementary school and whenever we had a substitute teacher it meant one of two things either we got to watch a fun movie or we had to do busy work. You see busy work was usually a bunch of worksheets that our teacher would leave just so that we could say we did something that day even though it didn’t serve as big a purpose as other classwork. Truth be told filling your day with things that serve no real over all purpose or that aren’t as important as we may like to think is just like having busy work in school. These things allow us to say we were doing something and that we didn’t just sit around doing nothing (because no one wants to be known as the person who sits around doing nothing). In reality though my baby I want you to know there is nothing wrong with not being “busy”. I used to love to be apart of a million things and now that I’m truly busy, because my job as mommy and wife are both 24/7 lifetime positions and require more of me than anything else I’ve ever been apart of, I’ve learned that “busying” my so called free time just sitting on a couch with your Daddy watching you figure out a toy is the best kind of busy there is. I’d rather be busy doing nothing with the people I love than filling my schedule with things that in all honesty can either wait, be put to the side, or delegated to someone else. It took me years to figure out that I don’t have to do it all and I want to make sure I remind you of that early. You don’t have to play a bunch of sports or participate in a bunch of activities to prove anything. I’d rather you spend your time focused on what you love (and yes its fine to remind me of this when I wake you up at the crack of dawn for dance class). We all need to breathe my baby there is no award being the person that worked the most. Dedicate your time and busy yourself with things that serve you and serve a purpose not just what looks good on a to do list because when you really spend your time doing what you want and not just what makes you busy you won’t need one. I never need a list to remind me to hug you tight, or a reminder to call my mom, or an alarm to tell Daddy I love him and I thank God every day I work in a field where I enjoy what I do so its an extension of my purpose rather than a title that sounds good. And I’m not saying there won’t be times in your life where you will have to busy yourself with things you may not want to do to get to where you’re going but just make sure you’re not just doing the busy work of life but rather you’re really enjoying you life because you don’t get a substitute there’s only one life so fill your time with what makes you happy.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S.: To the girl who always has to be in the mix…make sure you are dedicating yourself to people and things that are dedicated to you. You can’t be busy doing things for people who don’t have a second of time for you. This is your life and you will never get to rewind so choose things now that serve you in a positive way. Spend your free time on things that free you emotionally, physically, and/or mentally not on things that make you feel trapped in a endless cycles of things that you “have” to do.

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Touchy Feely

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Dear Ellie:

This week sports anchor Stephen A. Smith was placed on suspension from his sports talk show because of comments he made regarding a woman not provoking a man to hit her after the spouse of a sports star admitted that an altercation began between herself and her spouse after she hit him. I know by the time you read this society will have long since moved on and forgotten the exact wording Mr. Smith used but I don’t think it was his words that made people upset but more so the overall concept he was discussing. In my eyes the real underlying issue is the culture of violence amongst many low income and/or minority groups. Children who are constantly in defense mode ready to fight whether boy on boy, girl on boy, or girl on girl grow into adults who have yet to learn to how to resolve conflict despite the fact that the playing field is no longer even as one group has the undisputed ability to inflict more harm. Monday through Friday when I leave you in the morning I do so to work with individuals effected by domestic violence something I’m passionate about. And in serving them in different capacities I’ve learned so much that I don’t think I would have been as aware of otherwise so I feel inclined to ensure I have discussions about topics such as these despite the potential for it to be uncomfortable. Through working with adolescent girls I’ve come to realize it is not good enough to just to tell you not to let a man put his hands on you because in reality it’s not really about “letting” anyone do anything. The word let gives the impression that there is some type of choice in the matter as opposed to the reality of someone snatching power away from you. So my baby I promise to not just say don’t let a man put his hands on you but I promise to also talk to you about the signs that come before the literal slap in the face. I also promise not to raise you or allow you to participate in a culture of violence that promotes violent relationships from either side of the coin. Physically fighting your spouse does not make it any less a case of domestic violence nor does it prove anything or make you tough. I saw a video on Facebook today that broke my heart a girl who could’ve been no older than 16 was begging a male peer to hit her while arguing with him as he repeatedly told her to get out of his face (and I don’t say begging based on my opinion of her deserving to be hit because as I’m sure I’ve taught you by now no one deserves it but rather actually asking him to hit her). It broke my heart because I wondered where she learned this and what was going through her head to make her so sure that this boy would hit her, and because I knew that part of her probably thought that if she antagonized him enough to hit her then she would be in control of the situation rather than a victim. I want to make it explicitly clear to you my baby that you do not have to live life like that. Fighting a man does not make you tough, asking for help if he hits you does not make you weak, and being in a relationship where tempers are always flaring and you or your spouse “can’t control yourself” does not make it “real”. You have the right to live life in peace and while Daddy and I provide you with that atmosphere now I know there will come a time, far to soon for my liking, that you will have to make choices that define your lifestyle for yourself. When that time comes remember your worth my baby remember that you are a Queen and align yourself with that image. When I think of Queens I think of a quiet strength one that no one would dare test because they know standards must be met. Love yourself always my baby and set expectations for how the world should treat you but don’t forget to return the favor. It is my hope and sincere prayer that you never get caught in a cycle of violence and in that same prayer I remember your male cousins ( the whole gang of them) and hope that somewhere another Mommy is teaching their daughter to respect the gentlemen they are becoming so that your generation can create the peace that should start in our homes.

Love You Always,
Mommy

P.S. To the little girl who will fight a boy at the drop of a dime or whose intended solution should they ever find themselves in a domestic violence situation is to fight him not just for the moment but for the duration of the relationship…it’s ok to walk away. Feel free to end any relationship, as safely as possible, where you are being disrespected. Allow yourself peace. I have met women who have literally had to fight for their lives…thankfully that is not you. Instead of preparing yourself for a fight that has not yet began reevaluate your standards, set a new plateau and rise above violence. It’s alright to be alone if you can’t be respected. And if you have already found yourself constantly having to fight there is always help even in the darkest hour.

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Sunshine & Thunderstorms

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Dear Ellie:

You played in the sun all day today. In fact every time the sun shines I try to make sure we take advantage partly because I want you to be active and partly because selfishly I want to spend as much time seeing you play as possible because it truly makes my day so much better. Also considering you braved your first brutal, drawn out, harsh, arctic Chicago winter like a seasoned professional you deserve every bit of sun that you can get. Today though as we took a walk with Daddy I realized that it was probably going to storm just as the weather man predicted and I mentioned that I needed to get a new umbrella because my old one broke and Daddy turned and said to me “well the rain is going to come”. A simple enough response and the kind you probably know by now your Daddy always gives. But with this simple response it dawned on me that we really do have to enjoy the sunshine and I mean realllly enjoy it not do the things we love but still have our worries and troubles in the back of our minds. I truly hope you live in the moment. Even when you get to your teen years and have that pimple that just won’t go away or when you enter “the real world” and every time you check the mail there’s a bill. No matter what phase of life you are in when you read this live in your moment and define your moment for what you want it to be not by what is thrown at you. Because my baby the storm will come and it will thunder, lighting, hail and more but just as sure as it will come the storm will go and you’ll realize a few rain drops even a couple pieces of hail did not destroy you. And when your storm comes I hope that you didn’t spend your moment in the sun before the storm worrying about how loud the thunder would be or how hard it would pour. You can’t control the weather and you can’t stop hard times from coming but you can enjoy every good moment so much so that the storm doesn’t seem so bad. And tonight the storm did in fact come just like Daddy said but even when I cringed as the thunder rumbled and the rain fell because I didn’t want it to wake you, you stayed peaceful. So I pray that during your storms you find peace just like you had tonight even long after Mommy is no longer there (or wanted) to rock you to sleep. There will be times that you’ll want to pray for the storm to end or for a way out but some storms you just have to weather and honestly my baby its not as bad as it seems that I can promise you. In fact when you can look back and realize that you now know who’s truly in your corner because they were the ones holding up your umbrella or even your own strength to keep pressing when you can only see two inches in front of you in the rain that in itself will be worth it. Have faith that each moment has its purpose the good, bad and ugly. You don’t have to know the big picture just HAVE FAITH. And my baby believe me even when you think you’ve figured out the big picture little do you know there are a million more pieces to the puzzle. So again I say just enjoy your sunshine don’t worry yourself about the storms because they are sure to come and they are sure to go. 

Love Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl standing in the rain with no shelter in sight have faith that no storm last forever and the storm doesn’t mean that your journey ends sometimes its a sign to take another route or sometimes it just an opportunity to dance. And remember you are not alone every one experiences rain it never falls on just one person. So however you choose to face your storm know that you can make back to your sunshine.