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Judge and Jury

Dear Ellie:

I truly hope you grow up to be able to continuously greet new situations with a fresh take and that you don’t grow cynical after life takes a turn that you’ll find yourself unhappy with, because there will be a lot of turns like that. I will do my best to show you how not to be judgmental of people because you truly never know how many unfortunate turns that person’s life has taken before your paths cross. However, I don’t want you to be naïve either. Being able to judge people and situations is a fine art love bug and one that can take time to master; and quite frankly as a black woman it will be essential. Maya Angelou said once “When people show you who you are believe them; the first time”. It will serve you well to remember that one because sometimes we want to believe the best in people even when faced with overwhelming evidence that a person or situation is not who or what we hoped it would be. And trust me when I say my baby that its ok…no disappointment is in vein if we can find the lesson in it. But you have to take honest inventory of those around us because if they are not contributing to the greater good in your life then why are they still there. It would be wonderful if I could send you out into the world knowing that everyone loved you as much as I did and everyone would care for you like Daddy, but the truth of the matter is that despite the billions of people in the world a miniscule amount of them will truly be good for you. That doesn’t mean though that people can’t have their good moments or that positivity can’t be found in negative situations; you just have to learn how to judge for yourself what your limits should be with certain people and situations. In this world no matter the goodness of your intent you can be turned into a villain or a hero depending on who tells your story. If you were old enough right now to travel to St. Louis County, Missouri you could find yourself in two worlds based upon who you asked to tell you what was going on. Its unfortunate that we will never truly know what happened between Mike Brown and Darren Wilson but I do know that the decision to bring Mr. Wilson to trial or not was not decided by a jury of Mike Brown’s peers and those who wish to can judge him as a “thug” who placed himself in the position to be killed. I also know that Mike Brown will never tell his version of what happened. But you my baby are apart of a generation that will have unlimited access to media and information and it will be your generation that has to use their better judgment when deciding what battles should be fought and who should fight them. Take a honest look at people my baby because not everyone will be here for your betterment and that’s not about being judgmental but rather judging character. It is character that defines a person’s actions when they are left to decide them for themselves, that drives a person’s motives, or that writes post on social media when you don’t have to say what you think aloud to anyone’s face, and its character that shows you who a person really is. So please my baby by all means see the world, be open to new experiences, and don’t judge every book by its cover but when the first chapter is filled with hatred, lies, and other disgusting parts of humanities that I hope you never have to experience (even when I know its inevitable) then at that point its ok to say I see who you are. Be your own judge and jury because this is your life, your rights, your future, etc. and you haven’t been granted the privilege of allowing someone else to protect them.

Love You Always,

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl reading this. I wish you lived in a society that wouldn’t judge you or place you in a box for your past transgression but this is the world we live in. A world where we have unlimited access to your past and it can be used in anyway seen fit depending on the person. Everyone is not to be trusted and every situation will not have a positive outcome. That doesn’t make you powerless though. Being a good judge of character and understanding the direction you want your life to go in doesn’t make you judgmental or mean that your pessimistic. Walk in your own light and let it be know that anyone or anything that attempts to dim that light won’t be tolerated any longer.

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A Caged Bird Freed

Dear Ellie:

Today the world lost the physical presence of an amazing woman. We lost a woman who faced more than her fair share of adversity to say the least. That remarkable woman that we lost today is Dr. Maya Angelou. She was once a beautiful bird that racism, rape, and teenage motherhood tried to cage. But in spite of it all Dr. Maya Angelou continued to rise. Today all across various sites on the internet there were Maya Angelou quotes that were all so inspiring, beautiful, and full of love. When I first was alerted to the news of her death I stopped in my tracks for a moment and was truly taken aback. There are some spirits that you never expect to move on, even with full understanding of how short life is, and for me Dr. Maya Angelou is one of those spirits. But then I saw those quotes and it dawned on me how truly immortal she is. I call her immortal not because of her words but because of the feelings her words can stir up in a person. Dr. Angelou was once quoted as saying “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’m not sure that truer words were ever spoken my baby. Memories will fade, good or bad, but a feeling can be felt all over again as though no time has passed. There are a ton more quotes from Dr. Angelou that I will share with you throughout life because, as I promised before, I will ensure that you know YOUR history. The history of this great woman is now in the hands of mommies like me to teach babies like you. We are all connected my baby. In fact just last week I googled the title of this blog just to see what came up and I saw a book of Dr. Angelou’s that I had not read before titled: Letter to my Daughter”. I never had the privilege of meeting Dr. Angelou but I surely took it as a sign that this blog is something I should share…again it was a feeling. Love bug I am going to leave with two things, 1. A promise to share Dr. Angelou’s brilliance with you and 2. Dr. Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman”. There is no way to read this poem and not feel amazing about every inch of you. I hope to hear you one day recite this poem with the excitement and confidence intended to accompany it.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I Love you My phenomenal baby!

Mommy

P.S. To the little girl yet to experience the words of Dr. Maya Angelou start here with this poem then indulge in her wisdom. There’s a bit of the kind of woman she was in each of us and that means you can be just as phenomenal!